Blogging Away Debt

Dave Ramsey Told a Nurse With $90K in Debt to Dump Her Boyfriend

Dave Ramsey show screenshot, boyfriend won't marry. — Dave Ramsey advises a caller to dump her boyfriend. Image source: Dave Ramsey Show, via YouTube.com.

While I’m not the regular Ramsey-listener that I used to be, I do sometimes see his stuff pop up on my social media and, occasionally, a headline will grab my attention enough to make me click to see more.

A 26-year-old nurse with $90,000 in student loans called into The Ramsey Show. Her boyfriend makes $250,000 a year, but he refuses to propose until she is completely debt-free.

Dave’s response was blunt:

“If you were my daughter, do you know what I would tell you? Dump him… He’s making you prove your worth based on money. You’re having to buy your way into this relationship. You’re a princess and you deserve more than this…it’s a toxic and unhealthy relationship.”

He went on to say that one of the top causes for divorce in North America is money fights and money problems. Given that they’re already having money-related relationship issues, why enter into a marriage at this point?

Here is the original video, via YouTube.

The Nuance

If you’re just looking at the headline, it seems crazy for Dave to tell the caller to get out of the relationship over the situation. But digging in deeper, his point is that the caller and her boyfriend are actually on the same page already. Both of them don’t like debt. Both of them want her to get rid of the debt.

In fact, the caller started with closer to $160,000 of debt (side-note: that seems like an incredibly high amount of student loan debt for a 4-year degree), so she’s shown that she’s committed to paying off the debt and has made great strides in that direction. Refusing to propose until it’s gone, therefore, feels like manipulation. If they’re already aligned in their goals and their future plans, the caller’s partner should not be holding this over her head the way he is.

Why This Matters For A Lot Of People

I’m curious about people who enter into dating relationships where there is a large income discrepancy and/or a large debt discrepancy. Dave’s point wasn’t that debt doesn’t matter. It does. And he wants the caller to get out of debt (and she’s shown she’s well on her way). The problem is when debt becomes a measure of someone’s worth in the relationship.

I think this would be a very different conversation if the caller were still spending frivolously, racking up credit card debt, or making no effort to change. But she’s not. That’s not the situation here.

If you were dating someone and you found out they had a huge amount of debt, would that be a deal-breaker for you?

When my now-husband and I first met, he was 100% debt-free (minus his home). While I had made great strides in my debt-payoff process, I still had quite a bit of debt, spread between student debt and legal fees (from my prior divorce). I can’t imagine what my life would look like if he’d looked at my debt and thought “nope – can’t be together!” I can see the debt causing him to take pause….but the fact that I was able to show so much traction and investment in becoming debt-free means we are on the same page financially. I think the same is true of this caller and her boyfriend.

At the same time, I can understand where the boyfriend may be coming from. Marriage joins two people’s financial lives, and it’s reasonable to want confidence that your partner has healthy financial habits. For me, though, there’s an important distinction between evaluating someone’s financial behavior and making your commitment contingent on reaching a specific dollar amount. Those aren’t the same thing.

What do you guys think? Should this girl leave her partner because he refuses to propose until she’s debt-free? Is that toxic? Or is he just protecting himself? Thoughts?

How I’ve Improved my Contract Work Application Process

by Hope

It’s been 20 years, almost to the day, since I left the corporate world. And while I’ve forayed back into it a couple of brief stints, freelancing and contract work has paid my bills for most of the last two decades.

Since mom died, I am back at job seeking full time. And I’m averaging 2-3 interviews per week, and have picked up 3 new contracts over the last couple of weeks. Yeah! I’m also actively seeking full time roles in Austin and Atlanta.

screenshot of Hope's job applications — Upwork application status for the last month

Overall, my hunt has been much more successful, much more quickly then in years past. And I think the work I did on my 3 week journey really made a difference. So what am I doing differently?

Tips for Growing Your Contract Business

(from someone who has failed as many or more times than I’ve succeeded)

1. Specialize – Specializing as a contractor just makes you easier to hire. When you’re the “kitchen remodel guy” instead of “does everything,” or in my case an “online business manager” instead of a “jill of all trades” people searching for that exact job find you faster and trust you more, so there’s less back and forth proving you’re capable. It also makes referrals way easier since past clients can describe exactly what you do instead of a vague “he’s pretty handy.” And once you build a name in a niche, you can usually charge more and get more repeat work than someone spreading themselves thin across every kind of job.
2. Set a standard – Setting clear standards for what work you’ll take on saves you from a ton of headaches down the line. If you don’t know your own boundaries going in, you end up saying yes to stuff that drains you or pays less than it’s worth. And it’s way harder to walk it back later. For me that’s meant setting a firm hourly rate I don’t budge on, only applying to projects that are mostly behind the scenes with maybe 15% or less phone time, and sticking to the specific skillsets. In the past, I’ve tended to stretch for anything that comes my way. Having those lines drawn ahead of time makes it so much easier to know what to say yes to and what to skip, without second guessing every opportunity that lands in your inbox.
3. Do the research & write the cover letter – Doing your homework before you apply makes a real difference, even when you’re working with limited info. Since I usually can’t see much about the client beyond the listing itself, I try to squeeze every clue I can out of the project description, tone, specific phrasing, what they emphasize, what they leave out. Then I match that same tone in my proposal instead of defaulting to one generic pitch I copy and paste everywhere. I make sure to respond explicitly to what they said they want and need, point by point, while weaving in my own experience so it’s obvious why I’m a good fit rather than just claiming I am.

I’ve also been booked solid with dog and house sitting jobs. In fact, I’m on a 16 day job as I write this, which will end 2 days before I leave for Georgia. More on that trip later…