by Claire
Last night I actually took time to relax and read a magazine. It’s sad that the simple act of stopping and reading has become a rarity in my current situation. Needless to say, I am very busy. If I have spare time I am usually going to choose yoga and that isn’t a bad thing. Still, it was a treat to read a real magazine.
I was ready to check my brain out for a bit and maybe read about the latest celebrity gossip or what eye cream can make me look younger. I was looking to veg. A friend gave me a copy of More magazine. I think I’ve seen this in a few airports but I’ve never read one. The cover says it’s for “women of style and substance.” Well, I’d like to think I have those qualities so I dug in! I’m kidding. I don’t have style but I do have substance!!
As I randomly flipped through the pages, guess what article I came across? “Spending to piss off my father.” Yep. I do think God has become my financial advisor and now He is sending messages in More magazine. Ha! The article advertises “she built her life to prove she’s not her thrify dad–and worked frantically to afford it. Than an accident forced her to reassess her splurges.”
http://www.more.com/reinvention-money/money/spending-piss-my-father
Take some time to read this one and I think you’ll enjoy! I could so relate to what she wrote and can clearly see where my spending habits originated. My Dad is also of the Depression era–although the market crashed two months before he was born–he lived in NYC and growing up with a single mom, he knew hardship. He was frugal like the Dad in this story but very, very private about money. I knew nothing about finances and just knew that when I needed money, it was there. I remember one blow up when I guess he was short on funds and my high school tuition was due–and he said something very hurtful. I share that b/c I think it was an indicator that the stress was there but hidden.
Now don’t think I’m out to blame Dad for my financial failures. I am NOT. I have the best Dad a girl could ever ask for and to this day I rely on him tremendously. But I do think it important for all of us to figure out how our “programming” happened. What information we were given as kiddos that shapes our decisions today. I use that info not only to improve myself but, of course, to make adjustments to how I raise my kids.
Anyway, grab a cup of coffee or tea and relax a minute with this fun article from Pam Houston. I really enjoyed!
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Great article.
I think most people would benefit with a little psycho analysis of their emotional relationship to money. This is one reason I find Suze Orman kind of fascinating – she can be somewhat of a “psychic” as she sees the same patterns over and over and over. I believe my parents have a very healthy relationship with money (for the most part) and I feel blessed to inherit that. But every once in a while a friend will reveal something from their past (usually that they grew up very poor) and it’s like all the puzzle pieces fit together. Aha – now I understand why you bit my head off when I suggested you maybe rent/own an apartment instead of a house (because frankly is just what I would do/have done in their shoes – I did not mean they were not worthy!). & it explains why the 40yo friend worth $1 million can’t slow down to smell the roses – extremely irrational fears of poverty. Might have been rational at some point. But when you get that well-off I think you can slow down a wee bit and enjoy the fruits of your labor (With $1 million at 40, you should be able to work just enough to pay your bills, stop saving, and would retire extremely wealthy as compounding took over. They instead to choose 80 hours a week, apiece, and they are NOT happy people – miserable miserable). I see some of the same patterns in my dad, but on a much more muted level, because he did grow up very poor. I have come to appreciate a healthy money perspective. As to the irrational money patterns in my own dad, they are obvious, and we tend to just roll our eyes. I think it gave me a healthy respect not to ever be *that* stingy. I could see him asking me to pay his health insurance if I wanted it. Totally! LOL.
I saw this very nicely dress woman at the mall with her two small children, also very nicely dressed. The woman was saying (kindly) to the 3 year old boy: “Yes, you spent all your money on the first thing you saw, and now it’s gone and you have to just look at things but you can’t have them.”
I thought, good on her, especially with what must be pretty good wealth. Starting early to demonstrate that you have to prioritize your wants.
My dad also at times says ugly things to me that maybe he doesn’t realize that they would hurt me.
He does this quite alot but never with money, which i count as a blessing. He worked/works so hard to make money to support his family.
For example, I am going to need to borrow some money from him soon when I go through my surgery and thinking that he’s going to scream at me for not having an emergency fund, he surprised me with one short reponse to my proposition…”I love you and I hope you believe it this time”.
It brought tears to my eyes! This was a couple of weeks ago.
I am so thankful to have a dad like that compared to the dad in the article!
My mom is a spender and she used to rack up debt and hide it from my dad as she took care of all the bills. I dug myself deep into credit card debt following what I saw growin up but thankfully I was able to dig myself out and change my way of thinking.
Kasey,
My mom was the typical 1950s bride until she became a woman of the 80’s! When I was 10’she got her first job out of the home and look out! She spent the entire decade spending money in secret! She corrected in the early 90’s and is now the saver. My parents also went from joint accounts to very separate accounts. That’s strange to me honestly. Married 61 years and you divide bills? Hey but it works, right?! 🙂
I don’t like reading books much, but you’re right about finding a little piece of time to relax and do something you like. For me, it’s video games. It’s awsome when I have a half hour and I can just sit and play. Nothin’ else goin’ on!
My parents were so secretive with their finances that I grew up not knowing how much anything cost or even that some bills existed. I knew about the phone bill because my dad would have little rants about that but I did not that house insurance or property tax even existed. I had no idea how much my parents earned.
I leave my bills on the kitchen table and my sons have routinely read them while they their breakfast.
Yes!!! This describes my parents exactly! And when my kids started asking me what things cost I had to train myself to answer them instead of being upset with them that they were asking such a personal question. Now the kids know what things cost and are an active part of our finances.
My mom and dad both grew up dirt poor in a third world country and are completely polar opposites with money.
When they came to America my mom was a saver, always thinking out her purchases. When I got older my mom told me she was always so cautious with money because she never wanted to be poor ever again.
My dad is a spender and loves buying random things. Buying my first car brand new (if I ever have children, used is the way to go). I think my dad overcompensates to make up for the times when he had nothing.
Unfortunately I got the spending trait and went full force in my early 20’s. I knew saving was important, but spending was really easy. I got out of debt which was really painful and eye opening. I want to both a saver/spender leaning more towards the saving side.
Fascinating stuff Hannah! Thanks for sharing!