I think it’s better if I just don’t know other people’s financial circumstances. It’s inevitable that no matter how hard I try not to, I end up scrutinizing their spending, no matter how much they make. I don’t want to judge anyone for how much they make or how they choose to spend it, and it’s easier to not judge if I just don’t know anything.
So I admit I don’t want to know anything about other people’s money, but here I am telling everyone about OUR money. It is just as awkward writing a blog about our finances as it is talking to loved ones about our finances, and a few times in the last month or so I’ve wondered if what we’re doing is CRAZY. Why would we ever admit to ANYONE that we’re over $100,000 in debt? We’re nuts! Right?
Right. At the same time, though, because of the blog, I had a few great conversations this week with my family and friends about our finances. I sent the radio recording to my immediate family and a handful of friends, and some of them listened and some started reading the blog. When I saw my grandma this week, she told me she had listened to the show and she was surprised to find out how much we were in debt. Then she laughed at us! Can I just say how refreshing that was? We’re doing everything we can to pay off this huge amount, and it was awesome to laugh at how pitiful our situation is, knowing we didn’t have to try to pretend to be okay or try to impress anyone. Much needed laughter and a load off my back! When she was done laughing, she told me how PROUD she was of us for paying off as much as we have so far. Hearing her say that meant the world to me.
I know this conversation, or any of the other conversations would not have happened had we not been able to be vulnerable enough to share our finances. I’ve never talked about it with anyone until we started blogging. What a blessing it has been to be encouraged by people who love us and are trying to understand our situation and encourage us! I kept all this to myself for three years, thinking it would be rude to talk about our debt or it would burden our family/ friends with our troubles, and it’s a relief to finally be able to talk about it and get advice and encouragement.
Do you have people you talk to about your budget and your debt? Do you share your numbers?
I think it’s so admirable that you shared this with your family. No one that I know personally knows about my debt blog. A couple people know I’m in a tough situation with debt, but no one really knows the nitty-gritty of the whole thing. I might share it one day……but it’s still going to be a while…til I feel more in control.
I loved reading Beks and Claire’s blog, but I’m enjoying reading one from a couple’s point of view as well. Thanks!
Quite the opposite for me I truly don’t mind sharing how much we make or how much debt we have because I am proud of what we have worked for and what we have done. My husband and I used to live off of $3,000/mo right after we graduated college and were 125k in debt including our house and I was never ashamed about it. Now our income is up to $8,200/mo and our debt is down to 38k which is just our mortgage. Maybe we are weird but we loved keeping our family up to date about our finances and telling them when we had certain loans paid off. Everyone was always supportive and happy for us. I get why people are hesitant to share their numbers to an extent, but if you are really that worried about it maybe signing up to write a public debt blog where people expect you to share that info was not the best idea. I guess I am just not as judgmental are you are or think others are because while I am interested in other peoples finances I tend not to think more or less of them because of it.
I share numbers with close family and friends if it is pertinent to the discussion. Like I’m trying to help a girlfriend see what she could be making in salary or about how we budget. I don’t like to share out income number unless it is in context because I don’t want people to think we are bragging. I also don’t like to share our student loan debt figure of &80k with people because it could be taken out of context with respect to our income levels which wouldn’t have been reached without the education. We don’t really have any other unsecured debt.
We are close to $1M in debt because of the 5 props (4 rentals) but owe less on them combined than what they are worth. We make approximately $250k/year combined.
After I paid off my credit card debt, I was like an open book! I was so happy to no longer be struggling to pay off my debt that I wanted all of my loved ones to not make the same mistakes. I shared my number because I was so happy I was able to pay it off in such a short time ($16,000 paid off in 18 months). I thought I was being inspiration by sharing all the gory details of my journey out of debt.
Personally, I like full disclosure. I like knowing more about people’s situation so that I can find ways to relate to them. However, I totally understand that being a part of such a popular blog, it might make better sense to keep some things private and I know for certain that my skin is not thick enough to handle some of the comments.
I have no problem sharing how much we’ve paid off so far and put into savings ($55,000 in 18 months) as I hope to inspire our friends and family. I’m very proud that we’re down to just the mortgage, but I’ve had friends be very negative and put us down for even having a mortgage! I have two in particular that saved and paid cash for their houses, or so they say. I never share with anyone how much we still owe on the mortgage because they can check county records and see we’re underwater and I’m definitely not proud of that (new construction, lots of upgrades). In fact, it’s pretty embarrassing.
I don’t have to share our income because unfortunately, all of our friends know it. We’re retired military so they can estimate my husband’s pension and he’s now a government contractor and they can guess his salary within about $10,000. They know what I’m making because I’m very excited about my business’ growth this year and freely share the numbers. I have no problem sharing income on an anonymous blog- we’ve gone from making $75,000 a few short years ago to $170,000.
I also struggle with trying not to be judgmental about how others spend their money. We have good friends that moved in right down the street from us and they make a similar income. They’re constantly buying new TVs, furniture, fun stuff. Sometimes I wish we still lived that carefree way, but I know that’s not going to get us where we want to be in the future and frankly, there’s nothing wrong with our 42″ TV. I don’t need the 60″, I don’t need the 60″…
On the other end of the spectrum, we have family members that borrowed money from us after giving us a sob story and lying about their situation who just took a vacation, never paid us back nor will they ever, and we highly suspect they’re collecting food stamps and possibly welfare checks. It’s VERY hard for me to not be judgmental about them. We’ve denied ourselves a vacation for 3 years now. Yep, I might be a little bitter. NEVER loan money to family.
Yes! Share your numbers. If for no other reason than it helps YOU get through. I had a situation like yours, except on a smaller scale. I got into a lot of commercial debt in college and then when I spoke about it in my Toasmasters club someone alerted the media. I was profiled twice in the StarTribune (the big paper in MN). But owning up to what I was doing, how I was making hard decisions to pay down debt, helped everyone understand me and support me. It got me through. I’m still in a lot of student loan debt but I’ve been commercial debt free for a few years now. Even the few critical comments that have stuck with me (someone didn’t like the the car attached to my car loan and that sort of hurt)are nothing compared with the motivation and support I got from friends and family and strangers. And I still talk about our budget to everyone, because it’s important. Keep up your awesome work! You are inspiring to me as I try to pay off my massive student loan debts now.
Your Grandma is right!! I know I personally come off as judgemental (especially online in my blog and such) BUT, the vast majority of people where I live are in dire financial straits and in such denial. I just want to shake them!! & I think it is often misunderstood. That I think everyone in debt is a moron or something. I think its A+ awesome if you are working on turning things around. It’s really all that matters, making a positive change and moving forward. & I hope as you share your story that you find people to cheer you on, in real life as well as online.
I don’t talk to anyone about money. There are several reasons. I think as humans we tend to assume a lot and put things in a box to understand them. But, it’s impossible to really know what anyone else is going through. The appearances pretty much *never* match the reality. I think I see this more than average as an accountant. So I just have a strong sense that I really could never ever anticipate/understand anyone else’s bigger financial picture. Without digging in deeper. Likewise, I live in California, so I don’t need people targeting us for lawsuits. LOL. The less said the better. When we pay off our mortgage, I’d doubt we would tell *anyone.* Maybe our immediate family. But even then, I would probably not want to share with peers in family (lest they suddenly think we are rich or something). Don’t need everyone asking us for money or thinking we have more than them (because we probably wouldn’t have more than them).
I do think it’s less of a big deal to share things when deep in debt or not a lot of assets. BUT, you would want to think ahead to future. Are their friends or relatives in your life who will feel you owe them something if you turn your finances around? You may not want to share so much with them. Or just be prepared to deal with them down the road.
Interestingly, my spouse is home with kids and has been unemployed for a long time. So I am usually pretty used to people thinking we are broke. Which puts a lot of pressure off of us. It’s hard to describe because I think most of them think we are “rich” to afford him to stay home. But the thing is no one blinks twice when we are cheap, either. You say the word “unemployed” and people back off. Our long-term plan is to downsize our home, and I wonder if that will put out a perception of “broke” too. One can only hope. I think it’s easier to appear less well off. Less financial pressure from other people. 😉
^^Excellent points made! Because I share too much, our family members came to us looking for money assuming we have a lot of it. I don’t share about paying off the mortgage.
The great thing about living way beneath your means and always looking for ways to save money and talking openly about it is that our friends assume we’re broke, even though we’ve told them we’ve paid off our debt. In one ear, out the other.
My immediate family knows about my debt. My parents know the exact amount and every time i see them, it’s a struggle to not feel like a failure in their eyes.
My siblings know about the debt but not to the full extent. They’ve always been great with saving.
As to the extended family? I don’t think i’d care one way or the other if they know..but I wouldn’t voluntarily share my life in debt stories with them.
We live well within our means and have always done so since almost 25 years. As a consequence we have a nice nest egg, a comfortable income from dividends, no mortgage and a well filled study fund for our 5 kids, should they wish to study.
But to the outside world I am unemployed and taking care of our kids and my wife is scraping by with short-term contracts. That most of the money she earns is added to our capital is something we keep from everybody apart from 1 or 2 close friends with the same philosophy. We have had family-members feeling entitled to some of our money. This claiming behaviour stopped once I became ‘unemployed’, and we like it just fine. So I agree with some of the comments above: talk freely about your debts and how you (try to) reduce them, but once you are successful be ready for people looking for an fast and easy way out of their own financial problems.
All of these comments, and this whole topic is fascinating! I like Jerome’s approach. But all this is so interesting how everyone handles this. I’m usually mortified with what Emily shares with her family, it just took me a while to understand that’s just the way they are.
I definitely share but I am a bit hesitant at first for fear of being judged. It does help though when people know so they understand when you have to turn them down for invites, when they don’t get an extravagant gift and they can invite you to more budget friendly events. Kudos to you for opening up!
I’m an open book with my finances, I really don’t have anything to hide. Everything else in my life, well that’s another matter 🙂
I’ve never had a problem talking about finances with pretty much anyone. At the end of the day…. its just money right? 🙂
Finances are tough to discuss. I have always been relatively private about my finances.