by Hope
As of today, this morning, all utilities for the old house are paid in full – the water, the sewer, the trash collection, the electricity, the gas, the landscaping, etc ALL PAID. This means all ties to that house and financially to my dad have been severed. You have no idea how exciting this is to me. It has been a terribly hard few months, but now officially it is over!
Now I can stop looking at the past and start looking forward.
I still have a lot of retrospective thinking to do about this whole situation, but I think I still need a bit more distance and a few more financial successes before I can review it with unbiased clarity. And the only reason I say I need to think about this is because I have four children, and I know I will want to help them out as best as I can as they grow and become independent. But I know with absolute certainty, I don’t ever want to be in this situation that I’ve been in with my dad with my kids…so how can I approach that when the time comes. Thankfully that is almost a decade away!
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
It is hard dealing with money and family because there is so much emotion involved. Honestly, when I “lend” my kids money or help them out with something financially, I never expect to get it back – I just go in to it with the expectation that I am never going to see this money again – and USUALLY I am right 🙂 Now true, it has never been anything like a house, but again — the bigger the amount, the more problems that can occur.
As I say that, if my kids needed something big I would always try to be there for them like your dad but I would honestly go in without expecting anything out of it – might not be the most financially efficient way, but I wouldn’t ever want money to come between us. Am I making sense? I feel like I’m babbling so I’ll stop now 🙂
I totally understand your perspective, Sue. I am trying now to teach my children to be self sufficient in the small things regarding money. For instance, we notoriously get in the situation where we are out and they want to purchase something but left their spending money at home (wallets, purses) and want to borrow from me. For a while I did that, but now that they are all a bit older (and the twins really need to keep their wallets on them for driving purposes,) I no longer loan money in these situations.
My first thought when it comes to bigger things…is don’t loan, but give. Because like you, if I was going to help my children, I need to be in the position to not “need” it back. So hopefully I can get there, and then be able to help them when needed with more of a gift then a loan.
But I will definitely put more thought into my stance over the next years since we are a ways off from that for now.
Congratulations! That is a wonderful milestone. Regarding helping adult children I am also in the give don’t lend camp. The one exception we made was lending money to help a son buy a house and he is repaying it. We agreed to the repayment timeframe before sending him the money although we would of course adjust it if needed. The main thing I know is don’t lend money to family or friends if you can’t afford for it to become a gift.
Congratulations! I am sure this is a huge relief for you.
I must admit I find myself most interested in your situation with this house, out of all the issues you BAD bloggers write about. I hope someday you will write and let us know how it all worked out. Specifically, did your dad ever give you some of the money from the sale? I am still really bothered that he made you give him receipts for his tax purposes when it was YOU paying for those repairs and upgrades. I hope it all worked out well for you….
So what ever happened with the house details? Why has that been effectively swept under the rug? Did you ever have an ADULT conversation with your father about the details?
Never meant to sweep anything under the rug. The whole situation hurts my heart. I’ve just posted what will be my final post on the whole debacle to answer your questions.
Very sorry. As I reread my post it was harsh. I do not mean it to be. I hope you have found closure and I appreciate your posts here a lot. I think they are helpful for people to read and reflect on their own choices and current decisions to be made…
I want to know about the house situation too. Did your dad ever give you any money? Why did he need the receipts then? Don’t hide this from us. We want to know.
Just posted my final post on the house. I don’t know what he will do with the receipts. I am wiping my hands of the whole situation, glad to move past it. But you can read the new post to find out what happened regarding the money.
Hope, I am impressed at the changes you’ve made since you started blogging – working to increase your income, reduce your living expenses, and getting rid of the burdensome house and car. Congrats at kicking 50% of your debt to the curb in less than a year! Awesome!
It looks like others are wondering the same thing I am – whether you received any money from the sale of the house. Reading between the lines, it looks like you may have gotten a little that allowed you to pay off some debt, but sounds like maybe not too much.
Also seems like you are still pretty uncomfortable talking about the house situation, maybe hurt by it in some way. Although it would be nice for everyone to understand the financial details of the transaction, remember this is just a blog for a bunch of strangers so you don’t need to feel any pressure to talk about something you are not comfortable with. But I do admit to being somewhat curious whether you got a little something out of it.
good luck in 2015!
It does still hurt, alot. But I did just publish what will be my final post on the matter so no one has to wonder about the money side of things. It is going to take me a while to process all the lessons I learned from this season of my life. And it will also take time to repair the relationship with my dad, but I will, there will just be more boundaries. Lots more boundaries.