by Hope
Please join me in wishing my youngest son, the one called Gymnast here, a very happy 14th birthday! I am grateful that I get to spend today with him here in Texas.
Hope, Gymnast and Princess in Texas
But it doesn’t mean it’s not bittersweet. I’ve spent most of the last months questioning every parenting choice I ever made with him. It’s been very hard mentally, but I feel, I hope I am finally in a good place.
A Little History
For those new to my story, Gymnast is my youngest biological child. He trained and competed as a competitive gymnast for almost 7 years. Thus, the name. He quit last year.
He’s also my high maintenance child…lots of attention, lots of demands and lots of needs. Last fall, after living with me for over 13 years as his sole guardian, he decided he wanted to go live with his dad…in Illinois. It about broke me, but I let him go.
He came to Texas for Thanksgiving with us and my family.
He came to Georgia for his Spring Break.
And he’s spending the summer with my family and us.
But then he will return to Illinois and his dad for his first year of high school
Has anyone else done with shared custody that required your child to live states away?
I can’t lie. His move has saved me a tremendous amount of money. Teenage boys alone…and groceries. But boy do I miss him, every single day. And I hate missing the things going on in his life, not knowing his friends or his teachers and so much more. But I have learned, the hard way, that I have to let some of my kids go earlier than others.
Today We Celebrate
But today we celebrate. He is now 14…
We will celebrate in the same tradition we have had since they were old enough to decide…
He will choose a restaurant for dinner. And will receive birthday gifts at that time. I brought him a few small things I have picked up over the last few months with my cash budget. But the bulk of his gift will be cash. He wants to buy school clothes.
Ongoing Related Costs
I continue to for Gymnast cell phone. And of course, send him presents for holidays, but otherwise, do not have any financial responsibility for him. I did attempt to move his phone to his dad’s responsibility but he refused to pay it. And I will not lose my connection with Gymnast.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Happy Birthday Gymnast!!! May you always try to make the best choices AFTER thinking things through, and remember how much your mom loves you!!!! Life can be hard, remember your family will always be there for you. I didn’t have that and had to create my “own” family but you have yours built-in, don’t ever take it for granted!!!!
Happy Birthday Gymnast! I hope you have a great and relaxing summer with your family.
You scared me so badly. I thought he was missing, as in let’s make posters missing. Happy birthday hon. I co parent, but in the same area. It’s hard enough like this. So can’t imagine. He’s handsome.
That is heart-breakingly hard, yet I know you let him go with all the love your heart can muster. I only hope that his decision to live with his dad wasn’t based on taking the easy way out .I have a friend whose son chose in a similar fashion, and his life is now a mess. The dad is not a stellar guy and he’s not taught his son to be a stellar man. I pray that you ex is much different and that Gymnast comes through on the other side of manhood strong and wise. Becoming an upstanding adult is very hard work and it requires a lot of positive mentoring that isn’t always appreciated by teens who “know it all”. I only wish I knew 1/2 of what I thought I knew back then.