by Hope
I just got back from a week in Texas. And before you jump down my throat about the cost, my dad financed the trip in its entirety, including my attendance at my 30th high school reunion.
Addie ready to leave for our 10 day, 2,300 mile road trip to Texas
It was a much needed experience. The high school reunion was healing in so many ways. Visiting my family and seeing my son getting settled were stress relieving. And, finally, the time in my head and connecting with old people gave me lots of new perspectives.
Ready for my high school reunion
I think the highlight of trip for me was some advice from a friend I hadn’t seen or heard from in 25 years. It was something like this…
“Hope, as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been running from something or to something. You see something you want and you go get it, you see a person in need and you go take care of them, and you ran as fast and as far as you could from the trauma of your youth. Maybe it’s time to sit still and see what comes knocking on your door.”
As I was driving home this past weekend, I realized that after this coming week, for the first time maybe ever, I have no plans. No trips, no big goals, no plans, no purpose…just a straight road with an unknown future. It is very scary.
Getting to see my mom again is always worth the trip back to Texas
Even when I was married, I was always looking for an escape. With the kids, I was always looking for the next adventure. And for the past year, since heartbreak and the break in my confidence…I have been searching and seeking for what’s next. All the running, all the planning, all the expense that comes with that, is heavy.
So maybe it is time for me to sit still. And to see what comes knocking on my door.
And today as I write this after my first day back at work. I am finding peace in the idea of sitting still and waiting.
Side notes
- For those new here, my mom was put on hospice a year ago and I was encouraged to get there quickly to say good bye. Getting to see her alive a year later is not something I take for granted. This visit I got to give my siblings/dad a break from 24 hour care-taking, give my mom a haircut, and say good bye again.
- If you are an introvert like me, it takes ALOT to convince yourself to go to something like a high school reunion, especially when it starts at a bar and you can’t hear to begin with. This is your sign to go. Just go.
- High school was TERRIBLE for me. It was so bad that I spent a month in a mental hospital after a suicide attempt my freshmen year, and then almost dropped out my senior year. This reunion and reconnecting from people from my past helped heal some trauma that I didn’t recognize I had been carrying around for 30 years.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
That trip sounds like it was a nice reprieve from the everyday. I would like to recommend two books for you, and you may have even mentioned one before. I’ve seen it so often, I can’t remember all the places. Atomic Habits by James Clear is the first one. The second is Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. Talk about childhood trauma! He overcame a LOT from his childhood and even through his adult years. This is the ultimate motivation book! I do need to warn you, though. He uses the F word and MF often. If those words offend you, find a way to skip over them. Everyone who is at a place in their lives where there is a choice to make or changes to be made needs to read this book.
You’ve shown that you have what it takes. Harness all you have within you to dig back out of this situation.
I LOVE book recommendations. I will see if I can get these at the local library this next time around.
I’ll say it again, I think you should take a few days and go back over your journey as posted on here, from the beginning. You will really see your patterns and triggers in black and white. I think it would be helpful for you to recognize your self sabotaging mannerisms and decisions. I would read every entry including comments. I think you will also find so many of the comments gave your very sage advice that you ignored and then found yourself in another pickle. Im hoping this is the time you are able to overcome you past habits and start a healthy relationship with money!
I have definitely recognized my patterns, and using my travel as an escape from reality far too often.
It’s a process and I’m slow.
Hope this is exactly it. If you do this I predict your money problems will be much less.
You might enjoy cash stuffing content on YouTube. I find it very inspiring for doing budgeting but I thought of you watching this YouTuber’s latest video since she mentions her faith, builds tithing into her budget, and explicitly gives her perspective at the end that I thought might resonate: https://youtu.be/O0GKlga762I?si=koVRfOEZ7ap-umtJ
Thanks for the recommendation, I will check it out!
I do think you’ve set some solid foundations for a simple, peaceful and rewarding life. You own your home, have reliable transportation, some lovely puppy companions and five amazing children forging their own paths. You have a part time job that seems stable and that you enjoy – I would prioritize figuring out how you can cover your essentials on just that income.
Of course there will be some digging out of the credit card debt, but that will come with time. We’re getting close to the holidays. Maybe there is something seasonal you can take on?
I’ve had the same thought. If I can hold on to everything until I get a full time job, things should turn back around a lot more quickly.
Just praying for the right role to come along…soon.