by Hope
I’m sure many of the BAD followers slapped their foreheads and cringed when they read that I had prioritized helping Princess with her senior year of college. I know, I know.
But I have too. I have to help her.
A little back story
When Princess started college, I told her, I would cover her first year and then she was on her own. Now if you aren’t a Georgia resident, you may not know that they have two grant programs called Hope and Zell Miller. They are a BIG reason why we moved here versus other states when we moved. Essentially, if a student graduates from a Georgia high school, even homeschooled, and maintains a certain GPA, the grant covers their tuitions for higher education and/or trade schools. I wanted all of the kids to have the opportunity to further their education without debt. These grants were key to that as a single mom of five kids.
So we did it. First year, I paid for living expenses, books, and even provided spending money. (She contributed by saving from the time she started working at 15.)
Since then, she’s covered all costs alone. All of them! And it has been so hard for her. And so inspiring to watch. I am in total awe of her. (My dad says she gets her grit and drive from me, but she is so, so much more determined and committed than I think I ever was.)
Housing Debacle
One of the biggest challenges has been housing. She’s been living in a 5×5 for the last two years. Five rooms, five roommates. And none of them has to work or really be responsible. Princess gets up every AM and heads to work, then school, and then nights and weekends running an on campus investment club. I mean, she is killing it. But with all her roommates living the glamorized college experience with parties and such this year has been very, very tough, no quiet to sleep or study, etc.. You get the picture. (I’m not knocking her roommates, she just needs a different environment.)
So this year, she was going to move out. And long story short, her two roommate options fell through. Now she needs to move, doesn’t have a place to move too, and is stress to no end because living in ATL solo is expensive. And with today’s world, a random roommate, well, neither of us is comfortable with that.
Position to Help
Thankfully, I am in the position to help. So we went apartment shopping together a couple of weeks ago before she flew out to start her summer internship. And I have committed to paying the difference from what she paid the last two years and the new place until she graduates next May. (She will graduate with her Bachelors before she turns 21 years old!)
She will get out of college with $0 in debt. And she knows the value of hardwork and money. I just want to make this last year a little bit easier on her. Once we get everything settled, I will fill in more details on what that is going to look like financially.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 5 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
I don’t understand, you almost lost your home and would have slept in your car, how are you in any position to help? You are in so much debt that if that job ends you are done.
I commend you on helping her, but I worry for you. You’re just getting back on your feet. Are you permanently able to bring in the 8k a month for another calendar year? How can you save for yourself and pay down debt and give her the difference? 🙁
Your commitment to Princess is admirable, but you are not in a place to help her. You said just last month that you were not making your debt payoff goals without this additional expense. You are, in essence, paying interest on your own 20! year! old! loans so that she doesn’t have to take any out. I’m not sure that’s a win.
“I am in a posiition to help ….” is has got to be one of the roots of your financial issues. No Hope, you really are NOT in a financial position to help. Yes, you have income RIGHT NOW with various jobs, one of which is a contract that may (or may not) be extended or made into a permanent role. Your debt is still very high and your savings VERY limited.
While graduating with zero debt is an optimal goal, personally I think a better strategy for both of you would have been a modest loan to help cover housing and you SAVING whatever contribution you have committed to making, then gifting Princess a lump sum toward the loan next year after graduation. Princess will graduate before she turns 21, and she has a lot of earning years ahead of her. Is the same true of you in the time available to pay off debt and save for retirement or when the time comes and you cannot work and support yourself?
oh Hope, I understand you wanting to get her out of college with no debt, but you are creating such a bad situation for her (and all your kids) long term because you will not be able to cover your own expenses as you age and your kids will have to support you. Princess having to either take out a small loan to help her cover her apt OR having to deal with a hard roommate situation (like EVERY COLLEGE STUDENT EVER) for a few months should not usurp your need to SAVE for retirement and pay off your debts. Think about how much cash is opened up once you don’t owe anyone money, at that point you can indulge your kids. But if a college senior wants the luxury of living alone, then she can figure out how to pay for it. It is for a very short period. There are always sublets for kids studying abroad near college campuses, she could RA at the dorms, as someone who has already put 3 kids through college and one more about to start I know there are so many more options than her living alone in an apartment with a big dog (how is she caring for it while at class, her job, etc?). I truly feel you conflate love for your kids with financial support and that is a dangerous game.
Most kids graduate with some debt which they can pay back as soon as they get a job. My daughter borrowed $10,000 and paid it back her first year of employment. She really budgeted and was quite proud of herself.
This is also a good point. Learning to be responsible with debt is a vital skill for young adults and helps them build a credit history in their own name.
Yes, yes, yes. Graduating with $10,000 in debt is very, very manageable. As is finding a roommate on craigslist or wherever people find roommates nowadays. You are not in a position to help her.
Hope, do you not see the disconnect between your previous post where you have increasing balances on many of your open accounts (Frontier, USAA, Amazon) and your statements here that you have enough to help Princess out financially? As they say on the airplane, put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others with theirs.
I’m worried about this plan as well.
Without earning extra income, you’re all of a sudden saving 10% each month and helping Princess with her expenses? While paying enormous interest on credit card debt and owing family money… it’s all so precarious.
I graduated with 12k of debt and paid it off in about 18 months (while having a great time and not really for want of anything). Student debt is not the end of the world. There’s so much to lose at stake.
Hoping everything works out. Always rooting for you.
Hope, I understand your desire to protect your daughter. But you are not setting her up for lifelong success. You are not teaching her how to coexist with people who may live differently than her, or to make choices based on needs and not wants. Does her college not have dorms where she would be living with a single roommate? Why the need for a private apartment? While I know you love your daughter, she is not any more special than any other 20 year old who has to make due with roommates or live on campus. She doesn’t “deserve” her own luxury apartment, and you certainly are not in the position to provide that to her.
Frankly, shame on her for being so selfish that this set-up is acceptable to her. She is old enough to know you were nearly homeless and, if she is as financially savvy as you say, she would know how important it is for you to get your own situation stable before extending charity to others. It seems as if she may have a lot more maturing to do.
Respectfully, you should not be assuming anything about Hope’s kids. You have no idea what has happened beyond the details provided here and you made some huge leaps. Princess doesn’t write on this blog and has done nothing for you to speak about her as you have. For shame.
I think it’s unfortunate that Princess would take this from her mom, IF she knows all the true details of Hope’s financial situation. She may not at this point, tbh. I am disappointed that Hope is helping when she has yet to get her own bearings after the job losses etc of these last few months.
I hope you’re not setting up your daughter to be evicted if you suddenly don’t have the income to pay the rent.
oh my god I had not even thought of that !
I sometimes wonder if Hope is real, or just a writer keeping us entertained with her chaotic way of managing her finances. I see in her behavior such a lack of impulse control and also a living in a fantasy land mentality. I see a lot of ideas just coming out of nowhere (dog food, trips, new jobs and so on, and it all looks like a person with ADHD, Hope, have you been diagnosed with it? it seems you dont have a good handle on your impulsivity and you can always justify any decision with ilogical reasoning if it serves you well. I see so much of an adhd behavior on you. you seem to be very focus and good on your job, that typical of the hyper focus phase on the adhd brain. you might want to get an evaluation and treatment for it. that will help your brain to execute better without so many distractions.
M
LOL – this would have to be an entire community theatre group acting out the fake life of Hope, she has an IG, she has posted pics of all the kids, her mom and dad. I do think she really needs multiple reality checks because she falls into the same patterns.
I am wondering if they are just getting hits because this is just so obviously not good finances.
Hope, I have been thinking about your situation and something occurred to me. It sounds like you are believing that if you had not graduated with any student debt you wouldn’t be in this position and you want to spare your daughter from the same. That’s admirable but I’m not sure it’s the right lesson. I think a lot of what gets in your way is taking on more than you can handle (I mean this kindly but dogs, kids, etc) and stretching yourself thin. So the way to set your daughter up for success is not to make it so that she never has any student debt at the expense of your own housing but to help her learn about boundaries, planning, etc.
If that doesn’t feel helpful as advice then feel free to ignore.