by Hope
Anyone who reads here knows that I have been STRUGGLING for a couple of years now with what is next for me. Since the kids started growing up and moving out and then away, I have spiraled in so many ways. I was just not at all mentally prepared for this phase of life.
The only decision I was for sure on was that I would not leave the state until Princess graduated from college. That happens in May, 2025. 8 months away. And she will turn 21 the same week. A full adult. With a post grad offer. She is set.
But I have continued to flounder on what’s next for me. Stay or go?
The Writing on the Wall
But last month, I had an epiphany after an especially emotional week. I woke up on Saturday with the constant question of what’s next on my mind as I lay there in bed.
I came to the realization that this house is an anchor around my neck. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE this house. I love that it’s truly a dream come true. The first house I ever purchased on my own. The first stable place I was able to provide for my children since my separation from my ex-husband over 16 years ago. And it’s truly a dream place because I have completely overhauled the whole house.
But it’s also the place I bought and built with my ex-fiancé in mind. With the future we planned together. The future I thought I would have. I lay there Saturday and looked at my custom built closet that I designed and could only think about my ex here one holiday staining the whole thing. (That break up happened the week after Thanksgiving in 2022.)
And the feeling of loss for that future overwhelmed me AGAIN.
Then I recognized this house for what it has become…an anchor. And no longer in a stabilizing, safe way. But more so in a preventing the next chapter of my life from starting way. Keeping me from moving forward.
I don’t think I’m supposed to be here in this house, in this tiny town any longer. Rather, I know I’m not. The decision has been made.
Selling the House
Next spring, I will put the house on the market. And then I will follow what fate and God have for me. The goal is to sell the house just in time for Princess graduation. (The monies from the sale will be put away for a future house…someday.)
So I’ve started making a list of everything I will need to do to make the house ready to sell.
The support from my kids as I’ve let them know…has been overwhelmingly positive. None of them have real plans to come back to this tiny town. Some very much oppose me being here.
And my first stop post sale has already be determined. I will be house and pet sitting for Princess as she must be out of state for a month or so to start her new job.
I don’t know what the future holds. And I am 100% okay with that. I am confident this is the right next step for me. For now the plan will be to make Texas my homebase. My dad’s house. But I don’t know if that will be what actually happens.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Do you think it is a good idea to live with your dad? Moving back home wouldn’t be my choice but maybe renting? I assume you will still have your job?
Yes, my job situation will remain the same.
Not going to sugar coat it. This is a horrible idea. You are not happy unless you have a “grand plan” and refuse to take the steps to set yourself up to do grand things. You have ZERO business moving or doing anything different until you are fully out of debt, have at least a year of income saved, and have your credit repaired to the place where you can get a good mortgage rate. You need term life insurance, REAL health insurance, likely long term care insurance, a very well funded retirement plan, and as a self employed person you need Disability insurance on yourself. You JUST got a good solid paying job. Please just sit tight a few years, make money, save money, pay off all your debt for good and live not using credit cards to manage your day to day needs. Once you have a good $50-$60K in the bank in emergency funds, have insurance, a solid running car, and another $50K in a retirement account to start you out, THEN you can sell you house with its super cheap mortgage and have an adventure elsewhere. Your decisions give me whiplash. You have never in the 10 plus years I think I have been reading your blog, ever, actually gotten fully out of debt and lasted more than 6 months without getting into a financial/housing crisis again. Please reconsider, this decision is disastrous.
You live in a LCOL area – why move to a HCOL? Even if the kids want you to move, what matters is your future and stabiity. You won’t be able to help your kids once you uproot everything. You can reframe the home you’re in now, there is no need to pick up and move, imo. You just got the increae in pay, why not focus on saving and keeping out of debt for one year at least before doing all this?
Couple things:
1-If you’re going to be moving you will likely need a good credit score to either rent or buy in the future so I would NOT cancel any credit cards for the time being.
2-What is the plan for your furry friends? I know Princess has a dog and her apartment is dog friendly but they probably have a limit as to the number you can have and if you are apartment/dog sitting for her, I assume you’ll be bringing your (3?) with you…..but you don’t want to jeopardize her housing by going over the max allowed animals. Is this part of your decision equation?
You’ve only just gotten a job that covers your expenses after 12 months of searching. Immediately upon getting an increased contract you started making promises to send money to your kids. To the point that you maxed your budget for October and need to rely on leveraging your credit card to float the cost for Princess’ surgery for 30 days!
Unless you have a plan to move in with family and split costs that way. I don’t see how doubling and/or tripling your housing expense is going to end well. Monthly airbnb’s are going to be at least 2k/month. And while instagram makes vanlife and nomadic living look glamourous you need to be realistic. It can get very trying to consistently be searching for reliable internet wherever you are. Sitting in a library all day taking meetings can get boring and you don’t actually get a chance to enjoy the new city wherever you are. Chore day like getting showers, searching for water, washing your clothes, takes exponentially longer than when you do not have a homebase. You seem like you just got into a good routine with time to yourself, walks, enjoying your home, etc. I get why you ideally want to live in a different area closer to family. But it seems crazy to blow it all up so suddenly just when things were finally about to settle down.
Not to mention, with your extremely poor credit (that you have only been making worse by cancelling credit cards) and the high housing market, it could be a very, very long time before you would qualify for a mortgage again. And when you do it will never be as cheap as 1,000 a month.
I am not reliant on using a CC for her surgery. I am choosing to pay it off, pay for the surgery, then pay it off again. Otherwise, I would just pay cash and not get the cash back/points for the cc usage.
I will be honest, I don’t know what the plan is after September. I agree that living nomadically full time would be challenging and not ideal. And I have no intention of purchasing a home near my family…way to high a cost of living and housing.
By the time, I enter this next phase, I will be mostly debt free. Focusing on that plan right now. And I’m exploring all the options for living. And the goal would be to live within my means of monthly income while continuing to save and keep my “house” money put up for when it’s time to settle somewhere again.
“ I will be honest, I don’t know what the plan is after September.”
Having no plan is a bad plan, especially as you have little in the way of emergency or retirement savings.
I have read this blog for years, and have a lot of sympathy for your lead-from-the-heart style. But this style leads to financial chaos. You have the chance here to set yourself up for the rest of your life. Why blow it because your closet doors remind you of your ex?
What’s your backup plan? Will you pay your student loans off before embarking on this nomadic lifestyle? What are your savings goals?
Yes, based on my forecasting, even more in depth then normal over the last couple of months, I will be just 3 months shy of being completely debt free by the time I would be nomadic (September-ish of next year.)
I too am concerned with your quick turn around right after you just secured a stable and fairly well paid job. I hope your employer doesn’t get wind from your blogging and think you are already planning your exit. That could be bad for employment. Your house payment is very low and when the kids are grown and on their own you could really make some progress on your debt. I know the pull to move home is hard and that’s where you ultimately want to be, but without equal employment you may find yourself upside down again and without an income to help. Job security will need to be one of your biggest things to find no matter where you settle and I hope you are thinking about that too.
My employer already knows of my plan and supports the move or rather sale of the house.
My full time job is not location dependent so I am free to work from wherever I choose.
I agree with Shanna. At least the part about staying put until you are debt free and have a decent emergency plan….then go have all the adventures you want.
Also, I remember when your dad kicked you and the kids to the curb with little notice…..I wouldn’t put myself in his power ever again.
Pay off your debt, then live however the heck you want.
The saying “there is no geographic solution to an emotional problem” couldn’t be more applicable. A lot of people stay in houses after a relationship breaks up. You are just going to keep shooting yourself in the foot if you keep uprooting and moving. Paying off debt is great but you also need a robust emergency fund and retirement savings (4-5x annual income by now) and health insurance. I would recommend therapy to process the breakup more than any move right now.