by Hope
I mentioned a month or so ago that I had decided to sell my home next year. Then I took a 3 week trip to Texas, followed quickly by a 1 week trip to Princess apartment. And phew, that made me re-think my idea of being transitory. The last few weeks of being home have me thinking again. (I know, a solid case of whiplash – me too!)
While I KNOW that keeping the house is the best idea financially. And there are lots of other reasons for me to stay put…the one that stands out after all my travel is my fenced yard and doggie door. It truly is the simple things that make life so sweet.
But on the other side, I am so lonely. I haven’t left the house in the week. And while I am a serious introvert, this constant aloneness is not good for my mental health. In fact, the only reason I’m out now, while I’m writing this is because I needed to come get my car serviced to drive back to Texas at the end of this week.
Asking the Expert
So while I am not rushing into any decisions. I am getting all the facts. Today a family friend who worked as a real estate agent for decades in this area is going to come by and take a look at my house. She’s retired from real estate now, but continues to manage rentals in the area. I’m hoping to learn for her what I should do to the house if I want to sell it and make the most, what would be good to do to the same end, and what to just leave for the potential buyer.
On the other side, I am considering renting out one or two of the rooms after the holidays. That would include a private bath too, well, hall bath, but I don’t ever use it. Or even possibly renting out the house in its entirety.
I just don’t know. When I mentioned it to my dad, his comment was, “would you rent it out furnished?” But honestly, the two extra rooms have no furniture in them. Well, my desk is in one of them. And I don’t think short term rentals (like AirBnB) are really a thing in this tiny town.
Options
I have options. And I want to make the best decision financially. AND for my mental health.
Having the retired real estate come over and take a look at the current state of things will give me a perspective that I just don’t have as I continue to noodle what I want to do. But I don’t plan on doing anything on a whim or until after the holidays. We shall see…
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
You said you were interested in therapy, have you pursued it? I think it is really what you need right now to help you navigate this. While reading your post, the title of the book “Wherever You Go, There You Are” came to mind. You have mentioned depression, loneliness, life changes like becoming an empty nester and the loss of your relationship, and the emotional impacts of losing your previous corporate job. Moving isn’t going to magically fix those hurts.
Therapy is also a GREAT reason to sign up for health insurance! You have (or had) life insurance, presumably for the peace of mind it would provide your kids if something were to happen to you. Health insurance is the same thing, peace of mind for you and your family that if something happens to you, you will be taken care of.
I don’t think you should rent out the rooms at all, really. I think you need to look into therapy and explore the wiplash, the lonliness etc. Take care of your mental health in that way, by speaking to a professional who can give you help on that end.
Hope – you have had a lot of loss in the past few years, loss of a home busting at the seams with your children, job losses, home insecurity, children moving far away and becoming independent, loss of the relationship you had with your mother to this horrible sickness, loss of a future life imagined when your relationship ended. You are living every day knowing that at any second the phone could ring and you may have lost your mother completely.
I say all this to say you are dealing with a lot of grief around these losses and it shows in the self destructive decisions you continue to make that keep you in a state of chaos so that you have to focus on saving your house, job, finances, car, children, etc… instead of sitting with the grief and processing it so that you can make smart financial decisions. Therapy Therapy Therapy. Until you find a good therapist (may take trying a few different ones, but do not give up) and process all your grief including the grief of not having the life you once dreamed; you will continue to do this and if you are not careful you will push all your children away as it will be emotionally and financially draining to watch you make the same poor decisions around money that you have for the past decade; they will have to put their own oxygen masks on and save themselves so you don’t bring them into financial despair as they try to save you.
Therapy will tell you to make no BIG decisions, ie changing jobs, moving, selling a house, buying a house until at least a year after a loss; you need to hold where you both with work and your house; and work on yourself first before you think of selling your house. You need to do this for your children but most importantly you need to do it for yourself because you DESERVE a good life; I don’t think you believe that, but you do Deserve a Good life, not a perfect life but one that you are genuinely happy. Please do this before it is too late.
I was actually sitting with a friend discussing the mental health side of all this when notice of your comment came in. And it echoed almost exactly her guidance and feedback. So thank you.
Before you even think about selling your home you need to ask yourself the following questions and make sure you have a solid answer for each question:
1.) Where will you live?
2.) What are the costs for #1?
3.) Will selling the house give you enough money to fund the new lifestyle and home? Or will you be further in debt?
4.) You say you are lonely – does selling the house solve this problem, or just give you a dopamine hit that comes with any change or new adventure?
5.) Does selling the home give you long term stability, or leave you in another unstable housing situation?
If you can’t provide clear, positive answers for the above you shouldn’t even consider making any housing changes at the moment. And regardless, I agree with the commenter above who mentioned therapy.
These are excellent and thoughtful questions Denise!
I appreciate this so much. These are definitely questions I need to dive into and really evaluate as I continue to try to figure out what is next for me.