by Ashley
End-of-life planning is never a fun topic, but it is a necessary one. In my case, I’m not talking about my own end-of-life plans, but my dad’s.
A Difficult Diagnosis and a Long Road
My dad was diagnosed with dementia back in 2015, with doctors estimating a life expectancy of about seven years. Now, in 2025, he has surpassed those predictions, but just a couple of months ago, he entered hospice care. He is finally in the end stage of this terrible disease.
This brings up a complex mix of emotions. There is some relief—for years, he’s been trapped in a shell of his body, unable to recognize me, my kids, etc. But there’s also sadness and grief. My family has faced significant loss in recent years, including the unexpected death of my older brother in 2021. It doesn’t feel fair that our father, battling advanced dementia, has outlived him.
With my brother gone, the responsibility of managing my dad’s care has primarily fallen to my sister, who lives near him in Texas and works as an RN. She has shouldered the bulk of the burden, especially since he moved into a full-time memory care facility a few years back. Living in Arizona, I’ve been unable to contribute much to his day-to-day care, which has strained my relationship with my sister. Even so, facing the reality of our dad’s limited time has brought us closer as we navigate this difficult journey together.
Lessons from My Brother’s Passing
When my brother passed, he had no end-of-life plans in place: no will, no trust, no estate plan. I sifted through files at his desk and broke into his phone and computer to access bank accounts and critical information. Settling his estate took over two years. The process was complicated because he was unmarried and his minor children couldn’t legally represent the estate. The lack of preparation caused unnecessary extra stress, especially for my mom. The kids needed court-appointed at litem representatives and much of the estate’s money went to lawyers. This delay prolonged our family’s grieving process.
These experiences have underscored the importance of having plans in place. Thankfully, my dad took steps to prepare shortly after his diagnosis. In 2015, my siblings and I had multiple conversations with him about his wishes. He created a will, organized his financial affairs, and made arrangements to cover his end-of-life costs. Unlike with my brother, my sister and I won’t face financial burdens while mourning our dad.
Planning for the Future
Seeing how my dad planned ahead has left a lasting impression on me. I’ve always said I don’t need an inheritance. I’m simply grateful not to be stuck with the bill for end-of-life care. I’ve also seen the heavy toll these expenses can take. My mom paid for her own mother’s assisted living for several years. That experience made me determined to plan so my children won’t face similar stress.
As we prepare for the inevitable, I’m grateful for my dad’s foresight and financial planning. It’s a final act of love — easing the burden on my sister and I during an already difficult time. These preparations have also served as a reminder for me to prioritize my own end-of-life planning, ensuring that I, too, leave my loved ones with peace rather than stress. With it being a new year, perhaps its a good time for all of us to take a look at our estate and end-of-life plans and determine whether updates need to be made.
While we don’t know exactly how much time my dad has left, I hope my sister and I can continue supporting each other and honoring his final wishes. I take great comfort in already knowing exactly what those wishes entail, and peace in knowing he has provided the financial means to enact his wishes without my sister and I needing to dive into our own savings accounts. It’s truly a gift.
