by Hope
Lots of comments about how I am helping Princess with her new apartment especially since I published my forecasted spending for next month.
There is certainly going to come a time this fall when I will help. (And for the record, she did not ask for my help, I offered. Yes, I know that’s a whole other problem. But I want to be clear on this.) However, she’s had a full time job with great pay this summer via her internship. And she’s been saving diligently for this last year.
I will update my spending every month and you will see what financial support I am contributing when it’s needed. (Yes, I’ve already got a line item each month for it, but some months, it will not be needed.) If not, that money will be re-allocated to debt. This will also be affected by the job she gets for the school year. She’s currently on the hunt for that. Last year, she had an internship all year that paid slightly higher then her last “job”; however, the commute time was terrible. Hopefully, with the move to a more inner city location, she can find a job that she can possibly walk to.
Setting Her Up
I know most of you are solely worried about the financial aspect of my support. But there is a lot more to it…
For instance, she has come home almost every weekend since she moved to “acquire” stuff. She’s antiqued (cheap, real wood furniture, not like high dollar antiques), thrifted (thanks to her sister setting aside great pieces at the thrift store she works at), built (friend built her a bed frame), and refurbished stuff from home in order to furnish her apartment. She’s lived in a dorm and furnished apartment (student housing) for the last three years so had NOTHING by way of furniture.
This past weekend was the “final” weekend after 5 weeks of this. We spent ALL weekend sanding down her finds, repairing them, and staining them. Then loaded up a friend’s truck Sunday and officially moved it all in. She’s been living with a mattress and a metal folding chair since she moved in.
Before you jump to conclusions, I did not spend a dime on any of this furniture. I did provide the hand sanders and sand paper. And when we went to put the bed together, I had to run out and purchase about $30 of forgotten supplies from Home Depot. But all of the furniture was her spend. And she got great deals! Just alot, alot of work to get it right for her.
My biggest expense in all this was the time and gas to travel back and forth to Atlanta once or twice a weekend to help her “move” stuff that wouldn’t fit in her Honda Civic. (So grateful for a friend’s truck this past weekend to get all the BIG stuff.)
But we are done. She is happy and has what she needs.
Helping Her is Not Up for Debate
I will help her get through this year. In whatever way I need to. She and I have talked extensively of what that looks like and when it will stop. I realize it’s not a wise financial decision. I realize it will set me back in getting debt free more quickly. My eyes are wide open to that. But my heart leads where my kids come to play. And this is the last. All the kids will be launched in their own directions after this.
I have heard and understand what you all are saying about me possibly being dependent on my kids in my old age. I am making small moves like investment, retirement, and increased savings to help with that now. But I don’t think 9 more months of helping my last child in her post-high school training is going to make that big of a difference one way or another. And it will satisfy a goal I have had forever…to see all my kids be able to get post high school education of their choice and complete it debt free. Yes, I know not all 5 completed a four year degree, but all of them outside of Gymnast, did attend a community college or a four year college for 2-3 years and none of them have any debt from it. I call that a win!
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
Exactly how much money are we talking about here? I realize that the amount may fluctuate depending on what happens with Princess’s employment, but you haven’t even given a range of how much you’ve agreed that you might give her. You said that you have a line item for it in your budget, but you didn’t include it in your last budget post.
I don’t think anyone here is questioning you wanting to help your kids. But you need to be more honest with yourself on when this will end because it never will. Next will come weddings and possibly grandchildren. There will always be an excuse to spend rather than dig yourself out or save.
What will you do if you lose income and are unable to help her? Would she face eviction? Do you have a backup plan if she’s unable to get a position and your contract ends, or something else happens? This is not meant as an attack of you helping her, but you have very recently been unstable with income. It would be very hard to be young and possible have an eviction record.
This. Gymnast is paying for his car and insurance because Hope’s income declined despite her best intentions. At the very least Ihope that Princess will be starting an emergency fund just in case.
He’s actually paying his bills because he’s an adult now and no longer in school. I have always helped each child for 6 months post-graduation, after finishing a training progream, then they must “adult” and pay their own bills. This has been the same for all my kids.
Gymnast finished high school in 2023, early. I helped him longer as he was working and saving to move to TX. The plan was to help him until the end of 2024 after his move, giving him time to settle.
He took over a couple of months early due to my challenges. But he’s paying for his bills because that’s always been our families operations.
You’re missing the broader point Hope. A few months ago you were worried about paying your mortgage or losing your home. What happens if your income declines again? You could be putting your daughter in a situation where she has an eviction on her record because even though you want to pay you can’t.
Great your daughter has no student loans but you aren’t paying yours. Unfortunately your momma’s heart is going to see you in debt forever.
I guess the issue is going to be if this is a fixed amount or a fluctuating amount for the next year or so – but hopefully it is not something you have to do every month. Can you estimate an amount and put it aside? And if she does not use it, just roll it over into another month just incase? Or you use it to pay down something if she does not really need it. I admire your commitment to always helping your kids, I am glad you understand where folks are coming from when they express frustration!