by Hope
In a few weeks, the girls and I will hit the road to drive to Texas for Thanksgiving. The original plan was to drive there and back together. While I was in Texas this past month, that changed.
My dad needs more assistance with sorting some things out at the house. We dealt with a lot of the clutter, rearranged rooms, purged items this last time. However, there remains piles and piles of paperwork and boxes that have been unopened since they moved there 10+ years ago.
While I was there, we decided that the girls will fly back after Thanksgiving and I will remain for some additional time, possibly 2-3 weeks. During that time, I will tackle the piles of paperwork and see if we can get some sort of process for making sure bills don’t fall through the cracks.
The Financial Implications
We are boarding 3 of the 4 dogs (including Jake who currently lives with Princess) for this trip. My dog Addie will go with us. She typically travels with me especially when I’m car camping along the way. Boarding the dogs will run $25 per day per dog. My dad has agreed to cover that cost for the additional time I will be gone.
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- Cali
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- Opie
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- Addie
After we confirmed with the girls that they were good with flying back, my dad booked their return flights. To be honest, I think they were both a bit relieved to get out of the return road trip. And I love solo road trips, so win-win.
In the end, I think this is a good plan. And does not cost me any more money than the original plan. In fact, it saves me some money since I won’t need to pay for a hotel on the trip back home. (I love car camping.) And I’ll save on two – three weeks of groceries since my dad provides food when I’m there.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.
At some point your dad isn’t going to be around to take care of your stuff. I know you are helping but your an adult and need to stand on your own two feet. The twins take care of themselves but you go to dad alot.
This is not about going to my dad. This is about helping my dad. And weighing the cost of extended boarding in order to assist him in some personal matters that didn’t get resolved in my last 3 week stay. I am doing my best to make better financial decisions and adding an extra $500-ish to my December spending in order to stay for another extended trip wasn’t something I was comfortable with. My dad offered, and I accepted.
I feel like your issues with your dad has stunted you from really being an adult. Do you get at this stage of your life, you should be embarrased that your dad had to pay for dog boarding and your food just so you could be there for your mom? At this point, you should have had a plan to take care of your dad, not depending on him for dumb expenses you took on, such as four dogs you have no plan for while “dreaming” of a nomadic life? You are too old for dreams with no plans. Your forecasting is a fantasy, not a dream. you are an ADULT. Make financial plans as if you believe this. I was more financially independent of my parents at 16 then you are now and they also had control issues. Therapy is great, but at the end of the day, you have to figure out that you are supposed to be an adult. The fact that you were technically a parent doesn’t change a history of childish behavior.
I can’t win for losing. I didn’t “ask or need” my dad to pay for the extended boarding. He offered so that I could stay longer and help him with some items he’s just not up for anymore. (This has nothing to do with my mom’s care, that is already covered without me. I just provide some relief when I’m in town.)
That sounded, harsh I know,
However, there is just this disconnect. A better way to explain would be in the culture I grew up in, having my father even offer to pay something like that would be insulting. It would mean you are obviously not considered to be in charge of your money.
By your age,our parents are there to help only with situations not your fault. Not self-created instability or something as mundane as boarding a dog during a trip.
When my parents were older, I had accounts set up to pay for emergency flights, animal care and rental cars so I could just go. I can’t imagine how stressful that time would have been without preparedness. Parents get old and when you live farther away, any budget should consider the obvious inevitable expenses of being there when needed. They aren’t “unexpected” and I didn’t even consider them as emergency funds since its obviously a definite thing that is going to happen. And travel costs more in an urgent situation, so the fund needs to be a bit fatter because you won’t have much choice as to the timing.
Seemed like my mother would always be hospitalized when i was in a tree somewhere rural (yep that happened) or ten minutes from a job interview 3000 miles away.
I guess the point is you can say family values are different, but does your dad offer to pay these expenses for all your siblings, or just you? If so, you need to think about how you are seen- as an adult or someone always in chaos and needing assistance.
I guess I am in the minority here, but I think everyone is being too harsh in attacking Hope for accepting help from her dad in this case. This is not a “fun vacation splurge” but rather a trip to benefit her dad and mom. Hope does not have the money to take on this responsibility right now so her dad made the choice to fund it. Obviously, he valued Hope’s presence more than the money he was spending and from the info we have been told, it would seem he can easily afford these expenses.