by Claire
As my husband and I started to gradually combine our finances after marriage it became necessary that we find a resource to guide us along the way. As some of you know, doing this at near 40 is very different from doing this in your 20’s. Each of us were the primary financial person in our first marriages. I’m not saying that either of us did it well but I am saying that in our first marriages it fell to us to figure out on our own. When we met and married there was a process that had to play out in order for each of us to “share” that primary role–to find where our unique strengths would be best used and where our unique weaknesses had to be recognized. This was an extremely challenging step (tangent: it took 2 ugly years of major, MAJOR battling of the wills and now we realize that we might be slow learners–insert sarcastic tone on word “might”), but as I write this I am happy to say that we are now on the same page…well, at least working as a team to find a page instead of fighting each other for “control!”
As part of figuring out where to go from here, we stumbled upon a book entitled “Your Money Map: A Proven 7-Step Guide to True Financial Freedom” by Howard Dayton. The format of the book is working at this point but I want to look into Dave Ramsey’s plan as well. What I like about “Your Money Map” is the way it helps us focus on the current step without getting overwhelemed. Yes, the first chapter (like Dave Ramsey I gather) is to have $1,000 in an emergency fund savings account. We have charted that out on our spreadsheet and have set May 4, 2012 as the goal date. That is a very conservative estimate. If we can cut corners in our spending money (working on it! I promise!) we can get there sooner. If life throws us a curve ball, we will get there later. I am not using curve balls as an excuse but I also have to articulate the possibility–if only for me to get through this!
Another big step is for me to STOP looking at our retirement savings as any sort of useful savings. I think for a long time I rationalized no savings in hand (liquid) by looking at my retirement accounts and my kids’ 529 plan. DUMB! I told you I had some mad rationalizing skillz so my sharing this is part of the accountability. Yes, I do have decent (can always be better) retirement accounts from my now 15 year career BUT those are for retirement…not for life’s regular rainy days. Like I said, slow learner.
So–baby steps. We have a goal for the savings account that I hope to be able to report is met much earlier than projected. I am aware that each and every decision I make can make that goal come sooner…or much later…and I am shooting for sooner.
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Keep it up. I think a lot of us long-time readers are used to Beks’ “balls to walls” extreme debt reduction. I know as a stepmom and mom to teenagers, you just can’t say “We’re eating lentils everyday!” to save money. It’s going to be slow. But please don’t ignore all the comments or take offense. Keep chipping at it and maybe try some suggestions every once in awhile. Good luck!
Definitely reading and paying attention to the comments Angie! No offense taken–okay well maybe a little re: the suggestion that my children are living on ramen and milk…they are not, I promise! Thanks for the comment re: the reality of a lentil announcement! I think we will all see us get to the super aggressive debt reduction place and we’ll all look back at these early days and scoff!
Ha, while I don’t like ramen just try to take it out of my husband and younger daughters diet! LOL THEY LOVE IT. ( they dont know but I don’t always use the packets of flavoring where all the sodium is. Add some cheese, some tuna, a little miracle whip and some jalepenos mmmmmmmm .
Your emergency fund goals is a wonderful starter goal and I hear ya on the battle of financial control in a newly married household from 2 independant people…..it takes awhile to truly become a team.
Great things come from teams, now if your kids join your sucess team……there will be no telling what your family can achieve!
I am truly looking forward to this journey of yours and thanks for the resource book you mentioned, will have to check it out!
Boy oh boy does it take time to get to the team thinking approach. I think that process could have been a blog in itself…the good, the bad and the ugly! We are devising a plan to get the children on board–each approach being different b/c of their ages. We won’t overthink that process but good to be prepared.
If you find that the Dayton resource doesn’t quite fit your needs, consider checking out Gail Vaz Oxlade’s site http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/ to see if her resources work for you. She has lots of online templates that are very user friendly.
Ooohhh second suggestion on Gail. Heading to check her site out next! Thanks!
Ditto on Gail. I think you might be able to view her show in the States as well. It is called Til Debt Do Us Part. It’s fantastic and full of great ideas! Here in Canada we can watch it at slice.ca but I’m not sure if that site will work in the States.
We are currently trying to pay off a balloon loan on our house. The lump sum will be due in about 7 years, but we hope to have it paid off in 2 years. It was tough when we first started working toward our goal, but it is like second nature to be tight with my money now. You’ll get there!
I think Dayton’s road map is very easy to follow and yet has all the steps needed. It’s similar to Ramsey and there’s a reason for that. After his bankruptcy, Ramsey delved into this area and learned at least some of what he knows from Larry Burkett and Ron Blue. Larry Burkett was the founder of Christian Financial Concepts in the 1970ies, which later merged with Crown Ministries to form Crown Financial (www.crown.org). Howard Dayton was the founder of Crown Ministries. In other words, if you recommend Dave Ramsey to someone using Dayton’s roadmap (and vice versa), you are recommending the same concept, more or less, just some different words. Burkett’s teachings are what I followed to get out of debt.
Okay, history class is over!
Great info Mar! Thank you. I didn’t know about the history and connection b/w the two. Good to know!
Well I am a young mom and have two young children we have about 25,000 in cc debt due to dumb choices we made but we decided to bit the bullet now that the boys are ypung and get out of debt now so our goal date is June 30th 2013 to be done its been hard but we have come a long way. I love reading the blogs everyday it really helps. :o) i was wondering what is your target date to be done?
Hi Holly–congrats on your debt payoff progress! That is awesome! We are currently working on figuring out pay off dates–but it looks like the credit cards should be done in under 3 years.
OT from earlier thread topic
Re: the snowball method. If the interest rates on your credit cards are not all the same, you are MUCH better off paying highest interest first. Unless you are going to fail without that quick success right up front.
Hi Claire – I am also guilty of looking at retirement as savings. As in….I’m okay because I have my 401k if life gets really bad. That isn’t good thinking because life will be really bad in retirement and I won’t have the 401k to help me out!
With regards to resources…Gail Vaz Oxlade posted a set of spreadsheets that have been really helpful to me. I combined them into one file which makes them very easy to use. She is offering the spreadsheets and instructions for $4.99 which is fair considering the time it took to set up all the formulas. They might work for you to see how your spending your money, an analysis of your spending, and an overall budget sheet. They are on her website – just google her name.
My hubby and I were married in our early/mid 30’s and had combined debt of nearly $150K, which included my mortgage of $80K. We wiped it ALL out in two years, but without children. We now have a toddler and an 8 weeks old and I totally understand the difference! We did an adjusted Dave Ramsey that fit our needs. We weren’t comfortable with $1,000 emergency fund so we saved up a bit more. We continued contributing to retirement because my hubby’s employer doesn’t give him a choice and mine had a good match. We also kept a FUN list – things we wanted to do or buy when we were done. This included everything from a Disney trip to a new water hose. Reevaluating what we NEEDED vs what would make life a little easier at that moment was a big change for us (i.e. a new water hose!). We’ve been debt free (including the house!) for 3 years now. I can say that it never would have happened in 2 years if we’d had kids, but I like to think it still would have happened eventually. You can do it. You have to know where the money goes then figure out what the priorities are for your family and where you can trim, but you can do it!
Good to know about you and how well you are managing your savings account. This is an interesting blog i found. Thanks. Keep sharing.