by Claire
Well, FINALLY got the call yesterday. I was not selected for the management position. I was prepared for that news and can’t say that I was very upset by hearing the outcome. There was certainly relief that the ridiculous wait was over! I hesitate to share why I WAS and still am upset because I know it will come across as sour grapes. Nonetheless, here I go.
First of all, it is time to share what I do for a living. I realize this info alone may alienate some readers but hopefully you’ve read this blog for the last few months and know that I am definitely not defined by my career choice. I say that because my profession would not rank in the top 10 most beloved! LOL! I am a trial attorney. I have been for 15 years and I love what I do for a living. During law school I was sure I’d be a book lawyer–appellate or a transactional lawyer. I then stumbled into my first job as a criminal prosecutor and I was hooked! I love the courtroom. I love our system of justice, flawed as it is. I am proud to be part of it and enjoy making a complex, mysterious process more understandable to the community. I do what I do with passion. This includes the 90+% of cases that settle before ever seeing a courtroom. No case is too small in my opinion. As an insurance defense atttorney, my clients are often facing a stressful situation in that they have never been sued before. I am the advocate they count on to help them navigate the process. A lot of my clients are business entities and often the humans behind those businesses need information to feel secure. I like to give them the information they need and deserve. The absolute top job skill for my job is communication. On those many occasions when that communication is difficult, I do not shy away from making it happen. I do not procrastinate those tough phone calls or meetings. That’s who I am and I admit that is what I look for in others. It is a huge item on my list of “reasons I respect others” and I wonder if I get too stringent on that item, or is that high expectation something I should not alter?
So on to my gripe. I was asked by my boss to participate in a mock trial last week. In my view, this was another “to do” in what had become a very long list of “to do’s” (or as I’ve taken to calling it, “carrot chasing”). That said, I do love being in trial (even if mock) so I approached this as a good opportunity. My partner and I did a good job and won $568,000 for my imaginary client! I was playing the part of a plaintiff lawyer this time. Too bad that isn’t real money, huh? Anyway, my boss was there for the entire day long event. We visited multiple times before and during the trial. Then, immediately after, we all went out for a bite to eat. While I “get” that there is never a good time to have that face-to-face let down talk, I am irritated that less than 48 hours later he has to call me to let me down! There was certainly a time to do that while we were in the same town! His failure to do so only adds to my feeling of foolishness and I fully know that is what is happening inside of me at this moment. Add to that miss, he then uses carefully chosen words to, in my opinion, leave me partially aware that there is a potential carrot still out there! No. I’m done chasing carrots for the foreseeable future. It was an insult added to injury to not be approached like the professional that I am! I’ll get over it I suppose but right now it is an open wound!
Now with that out of the way, I’ll share that I immediately called Sam and offered my congratulations. That was sincere. I’ve already told you that my day-to-day functioning is not going to be detrimentally impacted by Sam getting this job. We talked for a good while and he was grateful that I broke the ice and opened up communication. No matter what that is who I am and who I will always strive to be. I assured him he will receive no resistance from me and I wish him the best in what will surely be a very difficult role to fill.
I know it all happens for a reason and I already feel less stressed out. I can refocus my energy on my family and my files at the office. I am young and have young kids at home. My current position offers me many opportunities to be very involved with the kids and so given the unknowns the new position would have brought, I am seizing this moment.
On to the next adventure (because I know there is always one just around the corner!)
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Funny, I assumed what with the travelling you do for work I just assumed that you were in sales!
I myself spent 7 years (as an assistant) working in the insurance defense industry.
I’ve been in the “Just Tell Me” position more than once, both professionally and personally, so I can understand how you’re feeling completely.
Now that the professional distraction and “unknowns” are over you can put all energy and focus into debt reduction!
Here’s to a good Fall for you and your family and all energy put into positive things.
P.S. One more thing … I can see how a trial attorney can get totally consumed by her work … couple that with family responsibilities and I can now better understand how attention to financial details can fall by the wayside. Not an excuse for it mind you, but certainly an explanation. You’ve appeared to have made great leaps in your attention to finances since you started your blog so I congratulate you for that!
Thank you Freckles! I saw your comment first thing this morning and it only energized me even more to embrace all that I have and celebrate! Your comment made me take pause and think about the “Just Tell Me” moments I’ve experienced in this life! Like you said, professionally and personally! I am just glad there was no text messaging when I was dating as a late teen and early 20-something! The jerks who did a crap job of breaking up with me would have had a total “out” with a text message! 🙂 I am so ready to be focused on what matters instead of the unknown of this stupid promotion! And it WAS distracting me from so much–including my debt reduction. I hope to show much better numbers for September. Thank you for reading!
I will certainly keep reading! I was a legal secretary for years for two insurance defense firms, one that specialized in fraudulent claims. Trial prep is the bomb. 🙂 Several years after my kids were born, I returned to the legal field, working on “the other side,” which I did not enjoy nearly as much.
I’m happy you finally have an answer regarding the promotion, even if it wasn’t in your favor. Although, I would say that it was in your favor, because you sure wouldn’t want a job that God hadn’t intended for you right now.
You are so right Claire. I wish I could find words to describe just how relaxed I have been this weekend. And while I don’t want to throw my shoulder out patting myself on the back, I could not be more proud of the way I handled the situation. In addition to reaching out to Sam, I also reassured the staff that all is well and we will carry on and do well! I know beyond any doubt that I am exactly where I am to be according to God’s plan. This entire weekend was filled with reminders of that reality. I’m a lucky gal!
That certainly explains why you need to dress sharp for work. Good Luck!
Claire,
Kudos to you for revealing your profession – it is a misunderstood one for sure.
I want to comment on your bit about communication. My husband and I are fairly successful in our fields and thus have been asked at least half a dozen times to speak to the young adult children of our friends. The conversation usually goes something like this;
“So I was wondering if you and Ted might come for dinner on Tuesday. As you know our son Bobby is graduating and going off to university and I was wondering if you might give him some advice.”
The first time we mulled over what we would say and finally came up with it. After a pleasant dinner we retired to the living room and my husband began and finished in one sentence. “Bobby, all you need to be successful is to learn to communicate well.
That’s it. Communicate. Know how to talk to the CEO, the Mayor, the janitor, your coworkers and treat them all with respect. Advocate for yourself and others. Learn to use the language they are using and be sure you are understood. That’s it. Doctor, Engineer, Social Worker, Salesman whatever. That’s it.”
The parents were shocked. Bobby was too but that is really it.
We have done that several times now – not sure if they all think it is worth dinner but…truly the most important skill a human can have is the ability to communicate clearly and with respect – and Claire I too would be furious if my boss couldn’t tell me something like that to my face. It is common though. Many managers hate the letting down or firing of employees more than anything they do. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t do it right it just means most don’t.
Great job on the debt reduction so far – we have fought that fight but must continue to be diligent or it creeps back in.
Thank you soooo much Michelle! I take every opportunity to tell anyone who will listen that while GPA and University choices are certainly big decisions, they are completely useless if you cannot communicate! Wow! I could not agree with you more! I take it as a very important duty as a parent to equip my children to communicate! And–truth be told–this area is a huge source of conflict as we blend families. Steve and his sons are not big communicators and I missed this while we were dating. I think part of the reason for that miss is certainly that I didn’t stop talking long enough to even observe how they communicated. But another component of that is that Steve and the boys just do not communicate! This makes for a very challenging set of circumstances given that my two children and I are talkers. In fact, I have to work with them to be quiet even though their talking is often an excellent display of communication! We just have to learn that sometimes there IS such a thing as too much of a good thing! Even so, I am so thankful that my son and my daughter know how to ask questions, express their anxieties and talk in general. That will serve them well in this life! By the way, I had a chuckle about your “not sure if they all think it is worth dinner but…” comment. At some point they’ll realize that dinner was a cheap price to pay for the best advice ever! Thank you so much for your post. It is a GREAT reminder!
I had a HS science teacher who told us that communication was KEY! She said that if we found the cure to cancer but couldn’t explain it to anyone else then we haven’t done anything for science!
I’m sorry you didn’t get the promotion, and I agree that the process was not done well. From all the delays and now the carrot chasing to the telephone call I’d say the management at your company could learn a thing or two about relationship management. And, FWIW, I’m not turned off by your job. In fact, I am impressed that you’re a trial attorney – that’s a special skill and you have to be on your toes. I know I wouldn’t be good at it!
Kudos to that science teacher telling you that in high school! I tell the kids that they can have all of the very top academic credentials but they mean very little if they cannot hold a conversation.
Thanks for sharing – wish the choice had gone your way – but there are advantages to not taking on more right now. Very surprised at what you do for a living – explains some of the expenses and choices you make. Kudos for your dedication to home, work, and getting out of debt.
Great to know. I’ve been following this site for years to keep me motivated (since writer #1), b/c I have an exorbitant amount of law school debt + an auto loan. Now that I’ve just found out we’re in a similar profession, I’m going to see if I can beat you to the $0 debt mark!
I am sorry to hear about the promotion. I am sure that there will be something better in store for you (sometimes when one door closes another opens). You be fine.
That is the absolute truth! I’m feeling pretty good about things. I’ve gotten back on track both at home and at the office in the last couple of days. I was more out of sorts than I realized!
No problem with your job from my end. I worked as a file clerk for a personal injury law (catastrophic personal injury exclusively) for my four years in undergrad plus one more year afterwards, was a Children’s Protective Services worker for 8 years (another job you don’t want people to know what you do – people either love you or hate you but they always want to tell you their stories of someone they know who…), went to law school part-time for the latter half of that 8 years, and would have sought a career as a criminal prosecutor if I didn’t LOVE my current job investigating welfare fraud, which I got about 5 months before taking the bar.
I think that people who dislike attorneys are woefully ignorant of what the job entails, or they’re jealous.
Thanks for sharing Allyson. Lawyers do SO many different things and you are correct—we are often misunderstood! Good for you on finding what you love. People don’t always get so lucky to do what they love and love what they do!
Funny enough I thought you looked like a lawyer (btw have no problems with your profession since I was a Para-legal before I became an Accountant) because you actually look like a lawyer I worked with whom I loved (she was the only laid back person in the office and had a great sense of humor) but with all the traveling I wasn’t sure what you did. Seriously though I too believe everything happens for a reason so maybe something bigger and better is waiting for you!
A traveling lawyer! There’s a sitcom title waiting to happen. We cover a huge geographical area from our office.
I’m sorry to hear you didn’t get the promotion. It’s their loss no doubt. I’m sure something even better is waiting down the road a bit, though.
As for your profession, that was my top guess given that you’ve mentioned you had a professional degree. I figured it was either a JD or perhaps an MBA.
No worries–I don’t have any bad mojo about lawyers. I’m sure your gig is more exciting than mine (something in the geek space)! If anything, I’m more skeptical of your industry (insurance) than your profession, but I won’t hold that against you either. 😉
Thanks for the latitude Matt! I have worked for other insurance companies in that past that made ME skeptical of the industry! I am happy to say that I work for one now that has (in my 3.5 years with them) always done the right thing. That makes my job much easier.
I assumed MBA! This will make me read it more since I’m a lawyer too. I keep reading for many reasons, but how kids change the finances really is the interesting part for me (I’m a new Mom!). Now I’ll go back and read the recent clothing post – the clothing issue make more sense now!
Ha Kim! Looks like a few people thought MBA. Congrats on the new kiddo—there is nothing more rewarding! Nothing more expensive either but I’m a “glass half full” kinda gal. 😉 Thanks for reading.
I have enjoyed reading about your debt reduction journey and have no problems with your career. I’m so impressed that you can do all you do with all that you must have on your plate, job-wise and your family size. Keep up the good work!