by Claire
I crossed a significant milestone in the month of May. My debt has fallen below $30,000. That is certainly news to celebrate. I do have these internal moments of jubilation but I think it is good too that I am never far from the thought of “dear Lord I still owe near $30,000!” There was a time in the past that I would have celebrated a dent to debt by going out and spending money. I’d use all sorts of rationalization techniques that would justify the spending. I’m not talking about a huge dent like I made in May but instead if I somehow managed to scrape together an extra $500 I’d go spend near that amount all in the name of what I deserved.
So the relief I feel right now is not about the dollars I put toward debt but instead the relief of a changed thought process. It is more empowering to have the spending part of my brain in check than it is to see that $4,000 went to debt this month. Does that make sense? That changed thinking is what will keep me out of debt (I pray) so that my “extra” $4K can go to long term goals instead of to making money for others. That is the victory of this blog and this true metamorphosis I am undergoing.
This change in my life has been reinforced this weekend as TWO friends have confided in me their serious financial worries. I hear their stress and know it all too well and do not want to go there again. I share my story in the hope of it helping them but a person has to be ready to make the change in order for anything to stick. Right now one of them is still in the spending to fill the void place and it’s strange to be on this side where it is so clear what is going on. He doesn’t want to make major life changes and his situation cannot change without major life changes. If you’ve been reading the blog for awhile you know I have done big things to find success on this journey. As I shared them with him you could immediately tell that he isn’t ready. The thought of downsizing his life is currently more intimidating than the debt load he carries.
You will notice in the debt column info I went ahead and added $500 to the emergency fund. I did that for the “shot in the arm” impact I think I need. In addition to seeing debt numbers go down it is nice to see savings dollars increase. I dream of the months ahead that I pray I am able to sink $3,000 or more into my savings fund.
Final note–I intended to update my numbers over the weekend of course but it was DD’s dance recital weekend. Her dance studio does a great show but it is a lot of work taking up the entire day on Saturday for the full dress rehearsal and then the show on Sunday evening. It is all worth it in the end as she enjoys it and it is also an annual event for extended family to get together and celebrate. I wake today completely exhausted but cannot ignore that my fatigue is not due to all of the recital run around. Instead it is for this growing resentment toward my children’s father and NW. They showed up for the show and he had the audacity to seek out my 83-year-old mother to introduce his fiancée to as we are all focused on celebrating a child’s accomplishments. It isn’t about our daughter’s day for him and that angers me and I want to verbally shut him down. That would be misplaced and I know in my logical brain that his behavior will take care of the situation in time but wow am I already worn out from holding my tongue. I went to sleep angry and woke angry and that does NO good for anyone! He certainly isn’t carrying the burden of negative emotion so I am only harming myself! I get all of that in that logical brain! The emotional brain continues to be louder at the moment and I want him to suffer. I feel like I have the good angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other. Please pray the angel prevails! Because that devil has some VERY enticing scenarios I could participate in and get some short term relief from this angst.
Have a great Monday!
Born and raised in Texas. I’ve at least driven through every state in the US courtesy of a roadtrip loving Dad.
I’m single with two children and a good parenting relationship with their father.
I am a “life is just half full of funny” kinda gal. Humor is my saving grace and I am thankful for it every single day. I have a strong Catholic faith and am thankful for that foundation.
I read a lot for a living but still enjoy a good book. I love biographies but in recent years have found the need for fun fictional books–sadly, for a long time I just didn’t enjoy fiction!
I love live theatre of any kind–from local productions to Broadway.
I love to scrapbook and pride myself in my kids’ albums.
I love being a mom but also love my career. I’m blessed to have found a balance allowing me to be at everything my kids need and want me to be at–while also having a career.
Favorite Quotes: Well behaved women rarely make history.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. -James Bryant Conant
Woohoo! I love hitting milestones like this!
Kudos to you Claire! A job very well done! Once you free yourself from debt, you will feel lighter than a feather.
That EF looks good but after you’re done with debt, you may want to increase it up to at least 6 months worth of living expenses. Trust me, it will feel FANTASTIC! It may look like a long shot now, but, it is doable. I did it and so can you.
About the situation regarding your ex-1, keep cool, keep calm. In the long run, you will feel better about yourself. You are a good parent, and a good person. Stay that way:)
Congrats on great progress!!
Great progress! And as I tell my Mother (over and over again), keep in mind that your definition of appropriate behavior is not the same as everyone else’s definition LOL.
Congratulations, that is some awesome progress! You’re really kicking that debt’s ass. When do you expect you’ll be able to finish it off once and for all??
Congratulations on your progress!
Also, I LOVE that you’re learning not to spend “in the name of what I deserved.” That is the crux of so many people’s financial problems. While I believe firmly that people deserve certain rights (civil rights, human rights), those rights do not include nice cars, new clothing, home ownership, dwellings that are larger than necessary, eating in restaurants, and so many other luxuries that we’ve come to confuse with needs.
I say as long as you can afford to buy those things with cash and not on credit, knock yourself out. The only exception to that is buying a house. We all have to pay for a place to live whether we choose to rent and line the pockets of others or buy a house, even if it means taking out a mortgage. With rates as low as they are, it’s almost foolish not to buy within your means.
My point wasn’t that no one should by them. My point is that the “I deserve it” mentality is destructive, particularly when stuff is bought with debt. Yes, if you are out of debt and are funding the necessities and still have extra money, go ahead and indulge in life’s luxuries. I buy many luxuries. I buy small luxuries (meals out) and big luxuries (a purse that might cost as much as a teenager’s first car). But I think it’s helpful to keep perspective on the fact that they are luxuries and that we don’t necessarily “deserve” such things.
Kudos to you, Claire! You’re one of my heroes. I’m following in your footsteps, but my yearly income is only around 14K, so my steps are lots smaller than yours!
As for ex-1, taking the high ground is the best thing for your children. (Besides, once they go to bed, punching pillows really works wonders…)
Good luck!
Well done! Progress supports your mental fortitude and you have you have made serious progress! It sounds like now you are in place to make serious progress on the debt. With your reduced expenses, did you have a time frame for being debt free? Again congratulations
Claire,
Honey, I’ll say it again, “You’re going to be a very wealthy woman in a short period of time!”
About ex-1: Take the emotion out of it. Keep it logical and legal. Once the ‘honeymoon’ period burns off, he’ll have a lot of regret.
Don’t let this poison your life. Find a good book to read before falling asleep. I recommend Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.
Congratulations on your great debt numbers. You are an inspiration to many! Keep up the fantastic work.
As for the ex, let me present to you a different way of looking at it. It is a testament to you and your family that he feels comfortable enough with your family to want to introduce his fiance. She will become part of your extended family (through your kids) so it makes complete sense that he should introduce her. And it was a good situation for NW to see that you and your family will always be part of her life once she enters into the marriage… she is not just marrying your ex, but also your kids and THEIR family so she had best get used to it. I doubt it was as much a part of him trying to take the spotlight off your daughter as much as he just wanting to be polite and introduce his fiance. Had he slinked to the corner of the room and kept NW separated, she would have been justified in any future attempts to separate your ex from his kids and their family.
I agree with Denise 100%.
“So the relief I feel right now is not about the dollars I put toward debt but instead the relief of a changed thought process.” — Exactly! Oh, you are such an amazing woman for getting there. Nothing but best, best, best wishes for you.
dang dude. get it.
you’ll be out of debt way faster than me. Just think if you saved that 3-4k/month for 1-2 years post debt. you’d have 50-100k in the bank. no investing required. amazing.
incredible transformation.
And that $50-100K would make a very nice down payment on a condo or small home. And if you stayed in the apartment longer, perhaps you could even buy a home with cash? (I’m assuming, of course, that your real estate prices are waaaay lower than Boston’s 😉 )
Great work, Claire! We’re going to miss you when you get this DONE in just a few short months!! You’ll have to consider continuing on with your own blog so we can see your progress post debt. I would love to hear about, and be motivated by, all of your savings and how you choose to allocate your funds in the future!!
Please please consider doing this since there’s so many of us who NEED this motivation!!
Try to find a way to laugh at Ex #1 if you can, at least when you are trying to live your own life. Imagine him as a ridiculous Seinfeld character. Doesn’t sound like a stretch.
Try not to get too wound up holding it all in. If you are like me, when you snap, it can get ugly.
Paying off debt is empowering! It’s taking back what was out of control. Good for you! I am working hard at getting all my debt paid off.