by Ashley
So far in our debt reduction journey, our biggest asset has been our increased income. I’ve done things to cut expenses (like lower our car insurance coverage, call to get our cell plan costs reduced, and try to practice meal planning), but there hasn’t really been a “big” sacrifice up to this point (though, not getting my hair done in 4.5 months has been a medium-sized sacrifice).
Then when we were hit with so many expenses in the month of July, some of your comments about stepping back and assessing the big picture really made me take pause.
Here I was, all pat-me-on-the-back about our successes, and fully aware of the temptations of increasing spending when income increases, and yet I was 100% falling into that trap.
But here’s the thing…sometimes you can’t compromise on price. One of those areas (in my humble opinion) is on quality child care. At this point, everyone is well aware of my stress and struggle with finding an appropriate child care situation. We moved our girls from their in-home care to a traditional daycare less than a month ago. Since then, I have been an absolute wreck. It just didn’t feel right.
I kept trying to give it a chance – thinking it was all in my head. I was just having a little mini-freak out and needed to get used to it and everything would be okay. But still, that feeling in my gut persisted.
Their last day was a Thursday. The girls had screamed and cried when I dropped them off (as they always have), and I brushed it off as just the fact that they still hadn’t adjusted to the new place. That afternoon when I went to pick them up my husband was with me. When we walked in their room the kids were running wild, as always (the ratio is 8 children: 1 adult, which I have never felt comfortable with; both my husband and I swear that we were told the ratio would be 6:1, but we toured so many places I want to give them the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming we were simply lied to). The teacher said the kids had just finished coloring and handed us a couple pictures.
My husband and I looked at the pictures, then at each other, skepticism in our eyes. We thanked the teacher, collected our girls and stepped out into the hallway.
Husband: There is no way the girls colored those pictures!
Me: No way!!! Look at all the colors used! Look at how dark and thick the lines are – like the crayons were pushed down with serious pressure! (pause) I don’t feel good about this!
Husband: Let’s quit right now.
****
Now, I know this sounds borderline-ridiculous if you aren’t a parent. There was no abuse and nothing terrible happened. The facility is brand new, sparkly clean, and has all top-of-the-line equipment. But it felt like a glorified babysitter with no structure and no enrichment for our children. Plus the babysitter kept changing (we’ve seen at least 5 or 6 different “teachers”…no clue who the “official” teacher is since they seem to change so frequently). To top it all off, the babysitter is a liar.
We know our girls. I’ve colored with them about a million times. First, I know they don’t have the patience to sit down and color all over a sheet of paper, they’re lucky to get a quarter of the page colored. They would never use so many different crayons (they usually stick with 1 or 2 colors, max), and their preferred method of “coloring” is like the crayon is a dagger and they’re stabbing the sheet of paper. Picture a lot of little dots. Not long, exaggerated lines across the entire page. This teacher totally did these drawings while the kids were running wild (no structure, barely any supervision), and claimed they kids did them. Also, I should mention that the teachers still don’t know our girls apart and really don’t make any effort to even try.
I didn’t want to be impulsive so I insisted we come home and talk everything over before immediately quitting, but we both knew we were headed in that direction.
Friday I drove the girls to the Jewish Community Center (JCC). They had gone to daycare there from age 6 months – 1 year while I was finishing my dissertation and we LOVED it. The biggest deterrence at this point is that we have since moved and no longer live nearby.
But as soon as we got there, a feeling of relief and warmth swept over me similar to walking into your grandmother’s house. I doubt the girls remember the JCC (its been a year since they’d been there), but they instantly seemed to feel right at home. While I sat in the director’s office filling out my enrollment paperwork, the girls played with a Noah’s ark set and a giant stuffed dog, laughing and squealing and generally entertaining the office staff.
In spite of the drive (about 30-40 minutes each way), I feel so at peace. A glorious, greatly-welcomed and cherished sense of peace that I haven’t had for a long time. This was the right decision for us.
And, of course, it comes at a cost. In total, the JCC childcare is actually slightly cheaper than our old daycare ($950/month instead of $1,000, though we get 3 days instead of 2). But, you have to actually join the community center, which requires an additional monthly fee ($105/month). There are also enrollment fees (for both the JCC and the childcare). Also unlike our previous childcare, the JCC is a structured preschool. We provide our own lunches (our old place provided food for us), there’s a materials fee, and there is an expectation of parent involvement (room parents, organizing a teacher’s appreciation luncheon in the Spring, etc. etc. etc.). So, in all, the JCC will end up costing a little more than our old childcare center. And it is worth every.single.penny.
But how do we pay for it?
Well, here comes my first big sacrifice since starting to blog. I’m canceling my gym membership (yes – the membership I just barely got not even 2 months ago). The JCC has a fitness center that we’ll have access to and even though it’s small, outdated, and not nearly as nice as our fancy-pants current gym, it will get the job done just fine. So at least we’ll be saving $70/month there.
I’m definitely a little bummed to say goodbye to our current gym. I’d gotten into a nice routine of gym-going and really enjoyed it. But this is the right thing to do for our family right now. What would I sacrifice to make sure our children have the best possible childcare we can offer? A lot. I’ll sacrifice my fancy gym. And, if required, I’ll even sacrifice prolonging our debt-eradication journey for a month or two. I’d rather pay more and feel good about where my girls are being cared for than be able to put an extra couple hundred bucks toward debt each month. And I try to remind myself that this is a season in life. When they turn 3 there are so many, many more options for preschool that are much more affordable (one that I really like is within walking distance of our home and will only cost $600/month for BOTH to go to FULL TIME preschool Monday-Friday!!!). So this is a one year thing, not a “forever” thing.
This is obviously an intensely personal decision and its one I’m not asking for opinions on. I know there were lots of suggestions about ways to find cheaper childcare (and, trust me, I have looked into them all)! But this is what felt right for us. I appreciate that there may be dissenting opinions and people who will disagree with our decision (which is totally fine – we are all welcome to our own opinions). I just wanted to let you all know about what’s transpired in this regard and to let you know the budget will be changing (again).
Thanks for your continued support. I really appreciated the kind words on this post where I was clearly not doing well. Turns out, I should’ve just trusted my gut from the get-go.
What sacrifices have you made to get out of debt? What was your biggest sacrifice?
I just want to say that I realize $70/month for the gym isn’t a big deal from a numbers perspective, but in terms of emotions its the biggest sacrifice I’ve made to date. I also credit this to you all because if I weren’t blogging, I am almost certain I would have just kept the gym membership in spite of our new membership at the JCC, rising costs of childcare, etc. etc. etc. So a big THANK YOU for keeping me accountable! : )
PS: Still working on the budget update. Probably won’t be done today but I promise to have it up sometime tomorrow (I’m crashing the Tuesday time-slot two weeks in a row like a total rebel!)
Post-post-script: Just for fun I had my girls do some drawing over the weekend. Here’s a side-by-side of a drawing actually done by Brooke compared to the drawing by the daycare teacher, pretending to be Brooke:
You see what I’m saying here? Ain’t. No. Way.
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Freshly 40, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
Good for you. I think this is a smart decision. You certainly can not be productive at any of your job assignments if you are worrying about your girls. In spite of the increased cost (day care + membership), I think this is the right decision.
The JCC day cares are almost always top-notch. I like the idea of expected parent involvement, too. This will allow you to get to know the other children (and maybe even some of the parents) and this will help you feel even more at ease.
Good job! The bonus of using the JCC for your exercising is you will be where your children are and you can combine dropping them off (or picking them up) with working out, so your longer drive can take care of two errands at once.
That’s exactly what I thought. Plus, the JCC is a full community center, so I could really drop the girls off, work out, shower, and then bust out my laptop and work for a few hours in the library! I think it makes the drive a little more palatable (though, to be fair, 30 minutes isn’t THAT big of a deal anyway). I also LOVE that the JCC is an actual preschool (for ages 2-4), so there will be plenty of structured activities. Lots of enrichment!
First-time commenter here 🙂 I have read your posts from the beginning and I think this is a great decision! I whole-heartedly agree with Susan; you cannot be productive in your work if you are worried about your girls. I have two children ages 2 and 7 and there is no way I would get anything done if I worried about their well-being when not in my care. You have done a FABULOUS job thus far and I have no doubt that you will continue to do so. Keep up the great work!!
Thanks Jessica! I was definitely nervous I’d get some backlash (and I’m sure there are those who oppose the decision). Honestly, I wasn’t looking for opinions on this decision I just wanted to inform readers so people know what’s up when the budget changes again! It’s hard to describe something that’s so inherently emotional and personal in nature.
As a parent – 100% with you. I would absolutely never leave my kids anywhere I did not feel 100% comfortabe with, in my gut.
My only comment is that I hope this is not the end of this story. You have not yet found any place closer and/or more affordable that you feel comfortable with. I have no problem with that and your choice. But surely there has to be something that is a better fit for your family. I hope that something even better comes along for you. So much of my comments I feel are like, “Wait – the debt-free mindset is not so black and white!”. Surely your *only* option is not to drive a lot more and pay more. BUT, I do think this sounds like a good short-term solution. It will be easier to re-evaulate while you are feeling peace and while you know your kids are in good care. Just remember to keep an open mind and your ears open. Maybe you are anyway – did you mention that you will have more options when they are potty trained? I suppose options do get better and less expensive with age. In your shoes, I would probably do the same in the interim.
Thanks for the comment – I’ll definitely try to maintain an open mind. I thought there were a lot more places that opened up when they are potty trained, but in further investigation I was mistaken. The rule is age 3 AND potty trained (so 2 and potty trained doesn’t work). I will try to be open if other options come our way, but I really love the JCC right now and they work on an academic schedule (preschool starts next week and runts until May), which I really like. I can always quit before then if something else comes along but I like the stability of the school-like setting.
The lying and not even trying to learn which girl is who would bother the hell out of me.
When you blog and ask for feedback everyone, including me has an opinion, do
what is best for your family.
Thanks Cheryl! I know, the lying was quite shocking. First the feeling is like, “why even go through the trouble of doing all these drawings?” and then it’s like “wtf are the kids doing the whole time you were doing these? just running wild?” then I get all indignant. This place’s website says they do so many activities and focus on learning and blah blah blah. It feels like just a pile of bull. And I get that I have identical twins and people have a hard time telling them apart. No biggie. I have more of a problem that they don’t even try! Even the childcare staff at the gym have figured out how to tell them apart and they’re just a bunch of teenagers (no offense to teens!!). I find it offensive that they make no effort to get to know who is who.
Do you think there’s a chance one of the other kids did the drawings? That was my first assumption, especially if the teacher really paying attention.
No. When we walked in the teacher was just standing up and said, “Oh, we just finished these!” Only, there were no kids sitting at the table. They were all running around wreaking havoc all over the room. She sat there and did a bunch of scribbles while the kids were basically unsupervised.
That was a great call on your part to take them out. When my oldest son was two I put him in a brand new daycare that appeared to be the perfect fit. A couple of months later it seemed they kept changing teachers for his classroom. Then one day I found finger print bruises on his body as if someone grabbed him. I talked to the director and she dismissed it. Anyways long story short a week later there was a newsletter that went out to the parents that they found a knife hidden in one of the couches in the classroom. Needless to say I took him out. Hopefully nothing like that will happen in that daycare but I applaud you for seeing the signs early.
Oh my God, how terrifying!! I will say, our second week my daughter Brooke was injured both days (we only go 2 days a week). It was nothing bad – a tiny bruise on her forehead one day and scratch on her cheek the other day. But there was no mention of what happened/how she was hurt. When I asked, the teacher said my other daughter had scraped her. It’s possible, but I honestly think she has no idea how Brooke got hurt. I don’t think they’re watched closely enough to really have any idea themselves (so – not asserting there was abuse! Just that they don’t pay attention enough to know)
Your piece of mind that your children are taken care of and safe is a huge deal, and you are doing what you feel is in the best interest of your kids….however just a few thoughts:
1) Is it possible you got the wrong child’s art (they wrote the wrong name) or that a teacher was doing “hand over hand” with her, and thus the lines are heavier and fill the page? You may be totally correct, but just offering another idea that doesn’t throw the daycare under the bus.
2) I am guessing that dropping the gym membership doesn’t have a penalty? And that the $70 will be going toward the different in cost (since you have to join the JCC), and gas?
3) How are you going to build 160+ min into your day for 2 round trips to the JCC (obviously you will be working out there now, but I thought the idea of daycare was so you had that time to work).
4) The car…this is probably better on the other post…but I hope you have better luck with your Explorer than we did. We had an ’04 that we bought in ’06 for 15k (ish). Paid off in ’11. We had wheels fall off, The transmission need to be replaced (technically twice…the second time was when we got rid of it). Brake issues. Rotor issues. My husband refused to get rid of it and we dumped a ton of money into the car. If you start to see stuff happen with the car….don’t dump too much money into it. Loan or no loan….cars are expensive.
1) Nope. No way. When we walked in the teacher was just standing up from the table (“Oh, we just finished these!”) but there were no kids sitting at the table. They were running around the room wreaking havoc.
2.Yes, this is my exact thought/expectation.
3. Although it’s 30-40 minutes each way, its only an additional 15 minutes from our old daycare (so really only an “extra” 30 minutes per day). But, since the JCC is an entire community center I am anticipating spending more time there. Example: I can drop the girls off, work out, shower, then go to the library with my laptop and work for a few hours. I really like this aspect of the JCC. It’s not “just” a daycare – its a whole community center with lots of things to do, places to study/work, etc.
4.Wow! How terrible! My husband’s family has a long history of buying Explorers and they’ve generally performed pretty well! Someone on one of my first posts said the Ford Explorer has a terrible review on some site, but we’ve never had any personal problems with them (*fingers crossed!*). I agree that vehicles, in general, are expensive to maintain.
Good for you. Glad you found a situation that works for now. Better to get the girls in a new situation before there is a big problem at the day care.
All young children need a stable caregiver that they have a relationship with at child care. It’s the number one thing they need to feel secure. The constantly changing ‘babysitter’ is reason enough to leave. My sons childcare has just re-rostered his ‘attachment figure’ from his daycare room (she’s with the smaller kids now) and I’m in a quandary how to help him deal with that, and whether I can ask them to move her back. Good for you on going with your gut. What a pity about the extra travel and money.
I haven’t read the other comments, but have you considered that the caregiver may have just been mistaken about which child did the picture? Still a reason to not go back – not knowing which picture your child did is a sign of inadequate attention – but not the same as lying. Might helps you feel better about it.
My child brought home an awesome picture from childcare yesterday that he would never have done at home, and I attribute it to the peer pressure of all the other children around him also working on pictures. At home he does big scribbles for ten seconds then is bored. This was a beautiful detailed thing that covered the whole page. (I know it was his because he had heaps of things to tell me about drawing it.)
You can not put a price on your child’s well being. We had a similar situation. For the first year our son was in an in-home daycare. Suddenly their started being MAJOR safety issues. Right after he learned to walk he fell down her stairs. Twice. Many other things I won’t go into as well. I’m sure you know how hard it is finding care for kids that young. We set out looking again and out of the places we were comfortable with we picked the one that could get him in the fastest. It was also one of the more expensive ones but you do what you have to. We ended up not switching him later because once he got settled he liked it so much and we didn’t want to switch him up solely for money reasons. Sacrifices has been made to pay that daycare bill but so worth it. You did the right thing.
I totally get you with knowing the drawings weren’t your daughters’. Our daughter goes to a little nursery class on Sundays at our church, and they usually color coloring pages. When they hand us her paper at the end of class, it’s easy to identify the parts she colored, and the parts the teacher helped her with. (Not that the teachers are hiding anything at all – they’re just encouraging her to color.) You just know your kid’s style. That would totally weird me out too that the teacher lied about them coloring.
In terms of daycare, you have to follow your intuition. Anytime the kids would have been crying would have been a red flag for me. As for your daughter’s artwork, you know your girls and if they were lying, I’d be done with them. I have zero tolerance for lying period. And if they are lying about the small stuff, what else it going on there? I like that you are making choices that work for your family (giving up the gym for daycare). There is no substitute for peace of mind and you can’t work if you are worried about the kids.
You might like the JCC gym but if not, it doesn’t have to be forever. I also don’t think you can skimp on daycare. We were in a bad situation (it was safe but very unorganized and we never knew what to expect and felt very uncomfortable plus we spent a week trying to get our son off his pacifier and they were continuing to use it during the day to keep him quiet). I ended up quitting work. It was $1600 per month and this was 15 years ago. Couldn’t pay that much and be unhappy. Money was tight but again, it doesn’t last forever.
I try to remind myself of this. This is a season in life – it won’t be forever.